Thursday, February 28, 2008

A Round of F- You's

So yesterday, for whatever reason, both parking decks at my train station were totally full.
In this case, there's an overflow lot that they direct people to.
That was full.

When that happens, they start valet-parking people at the top of the deck.
Apparently that was full too.

So, like I've had to do only 1 other time, I parked about a half-mile away in an old, closed-down TJ Maxx parking lot that was totally empty. Did I say totally? I mean totally. This is a pretty big parking lot and it was just my single, lonely little car all by itself over in the corner, not hurting anyone.

Later that night, I got off the train and had to walk in the bitter cold back to the parking lot where I found an empty spot where my car was.

After another few cold minutes of walking to the Burger King to wait for a ride, I called the Police who confirmed it had been towed. Even more convenient - the towing company was closed.

Just awesome.

So this morning I had to take a damn taxi over to Perth Amboy where I paid these bastards $226 to get my car back. What a ripoff!!!
Apparently it was because it had been there for 2 days AND because they had to use the flatbed to tow it.

Hence, my first F-YOU of the day goes to that scum of a towing company for charging so damn much for no good reason. They also don't take credit/debit or checks, which shows you what a reputable company they are. Anyone who only takes cash is usually doing something shady.
Anyone else agree??

The 2nd F-YOU of the day goes to the punkass douchebag who actually called to have me towed. Assuming it was the actual owner of the property, here's what I have to say to them:


"That stupid store closed years ago and the buildings have been abandoned ever since!
Do you seriously drive by all the time looking for people's cars to fuck with? My car wasn't there for days - only a few hours. It wasn't blocking anything or anyone, wasn't an eyesore or impeding on any construction or anything."

My guess???
The owner has some shady deal going with the towing company and gets a cut of the towing cost.
Why else would 1 lonely car get towed off of a huge abandoned parking lot that is never used?

The 3rd and final F-YOU of the day goes to Comcast. I like to call them Comcrap.
My opinion of them had improved since I originally got their HD service with OnDemand, but their stock with me took a nosedive yesterday when I got a notice in the mail letting me know that for some reason, I was supposed to be getting charged for the DVR in my HD converter for the past several months but was for some reason not, and that they would start charging me the extra $13/month. Nice.

Thanks, Shmucks!!

So as not to end on a negative note (I am a very positive person, you know)
Check out this story about the Florida Marlins' new fat-man cheerleading squad called The Manatees.


Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Screw Humanity - Save the Corn!!!

If someone told you they built a Doomsday Vault, whats the first thing that would come to mind??

My mind conjures up some post-apocalyptic bunker deep underground where the President and all the top government people are hiding until the fall-out clears and the sun is visible again.

ppshh...... stupid me!

Its not for PEOPLE...............its for SEEDS.


Ok I know I'm exaggerating and the seeds are important, but where's the Doomsday Vault to store the history of the world? Where's the Doomsday Vault to store the samples of all the vaccines and cures for disease that man has discovered? How about a Doomsday Vault with human embryos and sperm? I mean we're talking about protecting our survival if the worst should occur, right? After the bombs fall and I have 3rd degree burns and radiation poisoning along with Tetanus and a cold, how much will I be trying to worry about planting seeds to grow crops??

I know someone out there is saying "but you're missing the point"........
OH but I'm NOT!

A quick Googlfication of "doomsday vault vaccine" returns nothing of the vault I speak of.
Therefore, using the power of logic which holds Google as all-knowing ---- it doesn't exist!!!!

This world has some messed up priorities.
To bad I don't rule it...................

Anywayz, special thanks to Spanky for sharing Jimmy Kimmel's hilarious payback video.
This is some FUNNY shit......mostly due to the random cameos of celebrities.

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Fashion, Fruitcakes and Fishing

If you're reading this and are one of those people who reads........or worse - actually BUYS - The Star or Sun any of those tacky tabloid magazines, then I hate you.

You're dumb.

OK ok ok.................. you're not dumb if you read it while waiting in line or on the toilet, etc, but if you buy that shit, if you actually spend money you own on those magazines, then

They always have petty, dumb tabloidal (just made that word up) CRAP about stupid people.
By stupid people I mean Paris, Brittany, Lindsey, etc....

BUT............... although those 3 may be stupid and addicted to something or other, Lindsey did just do a pretty damn sexy photo shoot for New York Magazine ala Marilyn Monroe in "The Last Sitting." Lindsey looks good here. Still probably dazed and on 23451 medications, but good.

Anywayz- to the gayz.

I'm always baffled by how righteous some people think themselves to be sometimes.
Does anyone really KNOW God enough to say that he's responsible for certain things?
Or worse yet, to know that God would do something spiteful to a group of people or a country?
Some guy in Israel thinks God is causing earthquakes there because he's mad that they're being so nice to Gays. !!!

I'm so jealous of this guy. He obviously has a very intimate knowledge of The Almighty and all his plans and intentions for this world - one that peons like myself could never have.
Dang.......he's pretty damn pious.

What an idiot.......

"Hey B, whats that trout countdown thingy over on the right side of your blog?"

Well, ficticiously interested blog-reader, I'm glad you asked....

That, my friend, is my countdown to opening day for the trout fishing season in New Jersey.
Probably uninteresting fact about me ----> I love to fish!!

I'm a nature-lover and outdoorsy type and love to go fishing all the time.
Trout are all over the place in NJ and the state stocks dozens of bodies of water annually.
Trout fishing is not only a lot of fun, but those are some really tasty fish, at least how I cook 'em.

I'll go into detail at some later time about all the fish I go for and how to catch them, etc., but if anyone is interested in some trout fishing on April 5, give a brotha a holla!

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Angels & Airwaves & Shameless Promotions.......

So I don't go to many concerts......................... at least not ones for popular bands.
But on Saturday I went to go see Angels & Airwaves in concert and it was pretty damn cool.

If you don't know who they are, its the lead singer from Blink 182 along with the drummer from The Offspring and another guy from 30 Seconds to Mars. Its not Punk like you'd assume, but rather a unique, melodic, motivating type of rock. Tom Delonge's (the lead singer) and the bands' goal is to basically write and perform positive music that would inspire people to go out and make a difference in the world.
(yeah, sounds like Christian rock minus the Christian part, right??? I'll give you that.)

The result is music with chords perfectly tuned to the human psyche that tap into a person's emotions and passions. It'll make you want to go fly up into the clouds or take on the world.................. or, maybe thats just me.........

Anyway, if you've never heard their music, here's a view YouTube vids:
The Adventure
Everything's Magic

Anyway, now onto the shameless promotion part.........


I LOVE the stuff!!!
I already have several pieces of UA gear but this weekend I bought 2 pairs of Under Armour boxerbriefs. (modeling photo available upon request) ;-)
Mmmmmmm.................... my crotch feels so cool and comfortable as the "specially-designed fabric propels moisture to the surface and maximizes ventilation" where I need it most.

I also bought UA stock a while back. Hence, another reason for the shameless promotion.....



For those of you not "in the know"............ I work at Thumbplay.
I'm not going to spew boring crap about the place, but instead, direct you to the delightfully humorous Intro to Thumbplay Share..................
(its free media content space for people to use)

We also have a big commercial running during WWE Smackdown this Friday night.
If you want to see our commercials, check them out here.

Ok, thats it for the shameless promotions....

Now back to the regularly-scheduled funny shit:

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Vagentine's Day

Yes, I just came up with that............... thank you, thank you.

I should copyright it. Fo realz.

Anyway, its that time of year again when all the sappy, hormone-driven pussymen of the world unite to donate billions of dollars to the biggest Hallmark-and-Florist-driven hoax of a holiday ever created.

Well............ok.......... I'll admit I slightly contribute to the madness, but not too much.

Regardless, its hilarious to see the hoards of guys snatching up anything red or resembling a rose or chocolate in a desperate, last-minute attempt to show some female they're a capable provider.

Notice I said "capable provider"............and not "in love with them."
No no no........I'm not going there in this post............. that will be sometime later in the future, my dear friends.....

Anyway, I'd like to give a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY shoutout to my friend Val.

...and for all of you, a very Happy Vagentine's Day!!!!

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Snow-ho in SoHo

YES......... its a stupid title...........
But its pretty freakin creative and you know shutup!!!


Yesterday was fun.
It was the first true snowstorm of the season in this area and my boss told me to go home early.

But the BIGGER news is that today, I FINALLY saw my first celebrity!
ok ok ok.............its nothing exciting, really.........
ok actually its somewhat lame......but nonetheless I saw
Holly Marie Combs outside today.

The fact that most of you probably have no clue who she is tells you how lame I am for calling her a celebrity. ..............
Even more lame? The fact that I'm acting like there's an actual audience reading my blog or something..................... ohhh the lameness.......

In other blog-worthy news, this guy is someone I'd assume is a virgin because of all the time he wasted on this stupid match car. Of all the things one can accomplish in 6 years, why a lifesize car made of matches???

So lastly but not leastly, if there's one thing I like to do its share humor.

On the bed, on the floor, on the towel by the the door, here's a clip to enjoy................nevermore:

Monday, February 11, 2008

Emotional Extremes

Sometimes you just can't help but believe in the saying that "truth is stranger than fiction."

Imagine for a second if you will............
Your wedding day.

Supposedly one of the happiest days of your life.

Now, imagine if it turned out to be one of the saddest days of your life?
I couldn't even imagine..............

Perhaps somehow there's some poetic beauty in that story.............. but nonetheless, its horribly sad.

"Damn, B.............why the depressing blog today?"
I keep it real, people...............
Life and the world aren't sugar-coated, so neither will my posts be.

Additionally, RIP Roy Scheider..............."You're gonna need a bigger boat"

I won't end on a sad enjoy this:

Friday, February 8, 2008

So hows abouts we break this shit in????

What up my peoples...

So lets be honest................ if you're actually reading this, you're one of the few people that I'm acquainted with that give slightly more than a rat's ass about the crap that goes on in my life or mind.
For that - I'm grateful; and I thank you.

"Why the blog, B??"
Well, in case it wasn't already obvious, Myspace is now officially dead.
I've blogged on there several times, but I'm tired of that stupid site.
Facebook?? Now that shit is just a pain in the ass. I can't believe people actually like that pathetically-designed clusterfuck of a social site. I think it was created by a bunch of people with ADHD. Not only that, but plenty of decent, non attention-hungry people never even signed up for either of those sites ( for that, I admire you), so blogspot is viewable to everyone, without a registration or requirement to make Tom your buddy or have to POKE someone with a stupid random object.........(if you don't get the jokes, again, I admire you).

"So what're you going to write about, B??"
Anything and everything I feel like sharing.
This isn't a diary. I know this crap is public, so obviously I'm not going to pour my heart out and share ALL the details of my private life.
(For those that are now disappointed and ready to change the channel, notice my bold and italicized "all".................if you're smart, you know that means there's some exceptions) ;-)

OK well I didn't want to make the first post ridiculously long, so I'll just finish it with an awesome short movie that I just came across. Its only 8 minutes long but has won several awards.
Short and sweet..........