Paradise Lost

It's a very uneasy feeling you experience when something that you were looking forward to with such eager anticipation and excitement, just blows up in your face at the last minute.



Part of my frustration is that there are very few things in this life that truly excite me.
Likewise, there's very few times in this life that I've been so utterly disappointed as I am right now.

My excitement came from the opportunity to apply for the best job in the world!

A DREAM job for me.
A tropical island.
The sun, surf, thousands of wonderful fish and other animals...........
Perhaps I just got over-excited at the opportunity for something different, even though it was seemingly unattainable from the onset. But nevertheless, I was looking forward to just a shot at applying as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that I couldn't pass up.

Either way, it's an incredible combination of some of the things I really love in this world, and I couldn't help but be excited to apply............
...and because of that, I'm all the more disappointed that I wasn't able to.


It just seemed to be one frustrating setback after another.
First, where to find a camera.

I found one to borrow, but then he needed it back.
Then I found another one through a generous friend of a friend.

So I had a plan for what I would film and how the video application would look.
It was PERFECT in my mind, and not too hard to do.

Next setback -- I couldn't get friends together to film the scenes with me.
Business trips, planning weddings, having babies...........

So that forced a change of plan.
Now, instead of filming so much, I'd just needed them to call a phone number and leave a message saying good things about me and I'd use that as audio for other stuff I'd film.

Next setback -- nobody was calling or even replying to me.
I had to contact people again BEGGING to please call.
It came down to 2 days before the video was due and only 1 person had called.
This is really when I started feeling the tinge of disappointment.

Are they busy?
Are they not taking me seriously?
Do they just not care?
I wasn't sure what to think.

Finally, on Saturday, after reminding people, I had a handful of messages to work with and had filmed what I needed.
More setbacks Saturday night meant no real editing until Sunday.

Sunday I finally get to edit the video after a crash course in iMovie and GarageBand.
By this point, I'm frustrated but getting it done, and I reached the point where I just wanted to get it finished and submitted.

Then.....
I go to the website to submit it and.............
SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED!!!

The deadline was midnight on the 22nd........................... in UTC time!!!!

I missed it by 45 minutes!!!



Heart-broken.
Disappointed.
Embarrassed.

The only thing that bothered me more than settling for a video I wasn't very proud of was knowing that after all was said and done, I really only have myself to blame for everything.
I should have never let myself get that excited.
I should have never allowed myself to rely on anyone else to help me.
I should have done stuff a lot earlier.


Enough.
It's done with.

Here's what I ended up with if anyone cares........

Drones

back and forth
left to right
sands of time
twist and wind
like a clock
tick and tock
everyday
fades away
wall to wall
in a cage
same old game
everyday
round and round
world of play
bound in chains
dying dreams
fading day
after day
so much life
fades away
born in hope
dead in time
trapped in maze
rats and minds
none are free
reality
sets in slow
seems to grow
dreams like waves
swept away
crumbling soul
shattered hope
day to day
try to cope
looking close
they're all drones
in disguise
made with bones
bloodshot eyes
little kids
boys and girls
hide behind
adult world
killing time
just like day
after day
fading dreams
fade away
like our minds
turn to stone
dying dreams
living drones

Doing it My Way

Keeping it short but sweet this post.

Work, life, love, weather, etc., all taking up time.

(ok probably not THAT much, but still.....)



I'm a big fan of Frank Sinatra, and also a big fan of Bono.
Did you know he's the only person to ever be nominated for an Academy Award, Golden Globe, Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize??


So it's very cool to read this editorial from Bono regarding the current times and new year and how 'Old Blue Eyes' can help us relate to it.


And if you haven't recently, go listen to some classic Sinatra.
It'll do your soul good.