Tuesday, May 6, 2008

A Round of F-You's.........With a Few OMG!! Srsly!??s

Well its been a while since I've posted a quality round of F-You's.

I consider that a good thing because it would probably mean I have some issues if I'm always pissed at people enough to post F-You's on a regular basis.

But, alas.....................the past 2 days have provided me with more than enough ammo......
...and because I like to be detailed, you can be sure this will be a lengthy entry.

Yesterday, shortly after getting on my train to work, we stop at the next stop - Rahway - continue about 5 minutes only to come to a complete stop. Then comes the first of many repetitive announcements:

Due to police activity ahead, all trains are being held up. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Well, thats not unusual. I figured we'd probably be on our way in 5 minutes or so.

Ten minutes later, and after seeing other trains stopped on the tracks beside ours, comes another announcement stating the obvious along with info we already knew:

Attention passengers: due to police activity ahead, all trains are being held up.

So another 20 minutes later, the driver comes out (I was in the first car) and tells us that he heard from a friend that the cops were searching for some fugitive in Newark that someone had reported seeing on the train.................and because of that, the entire NorthEast Corridor line had been shut down. Turns out the story was true, and there was a manhunt in Newark around the airport for an escaped fugitive who shot and killed a Philly cop.

Anyway, before we get to the meat of this blog, I have a few OMG!! Srsly?!?s for 2 people on the train with me.
The first is to the douchebag who went up to the conductor, looking at his watch, and asked in a frustrated tone how long we'd be held up because he had a class to get to.

We're in the first car and can see right through the window about 7 trains waiting in front of us!!! What the fuck do you want the conductor to do? FLY you over all the trains in front of us?????

The 2nd OMG!! Srsly?!? goes to the lady sitting right behind me who was obviously a New Yorker of Italian decent. Not to stereotype..................but.............she was a stereotypical New Yorker of Italian decent.........what can I say??? Her first round of calls to the entire family came when the train was stopped and she didn't know what was going on. Apparently, 5 minutes without talking is too long.

Her 2nd round of calls to the entire family came after she heard the news about what was really going on.

"Marie!! Oh my gawd, I just found out what happened!! Quick turn on the news! Some guy killed a cop in Philly and they saw him on the train!! Is Pauly there?!?? I'm gonna call him. Is it on the news?? Try another channel. Someone said EyeWitness news. There's like helicopters flyin around, too! You find it yet??? Go ask Petey to bring it up on his computer or something. Are they showing it??? I can't believe he's on the train. Oh my gawd I'm freakin out over here!"

Of course, all this vital information was repeated again each time she called her mom, sister, the infamous Pauly and 3 or 4 other people who needed to know all the action she was having.

OMG!! Srsly!??

Anyway.............we finally got moving and I got into work only about an hour late.

But, in typical fashion, I fool-heartedly forgot to assume that when it rains, it would pour.
So, that night after work on my ride home, 3 teenagers got on my train in Newark and went straight into the bathroom. Not quite so slick..........

Of course, 10 minutes later when the conductor came around checking tickets, he knocked on the door and got no answer. After a few knocks and still no answer, the lady sitting in front of it told him 3 kids were inside.

"Oh hell no. " he said as he whipped out keys and opened the door.

"C'mon get out. Get the hell out of of there. Lets go. Get out.
You guys got tickets??"

Now, I've seen this conductor before, and he seems like an OK guy.
But when the kids started laughing at him and ignoring him, I could see his frustration.

"Where you goin? Hey - I'm talking to you. Where you goin?"

....no answer as they continued to just look around, make noises and laugh disrespectfully.

"What the hell is wrong with yas? How you gonna sneak on the train and hide in the bathroom like a buncha low-lives???"

So, apparently now all the sudden they were listening because they took offense to him calling them names and got in his face.

"Thats it. I'm callin the cops"

So the arguing went on another minute or 2 and I think someone pushed someone and he made an announcement to hold the doors at the next stop.

So here we are pulling up to Rahway where we have to wait about 20 minutes until the cops can come and escort the kids off.

Raining hard enough yet?????
Of course not!!!!

This morning, I leave my house to go to a doctor's appointment and in the slow-motion split second I'm closing the door behind me, I realize that I don't have my keys......



What to do now...........

Can't climb in the balcony - I'm on the third floor.
Everybody else who has a key is at work.
My car keys are with my house keys, so I can't even drive anywhere.
Kick the door in?? Nah, thats stupid.

Alrighty........I guess I'll call a locksmith.
So I whip out the Treo and find a locksmith right in my town.
I call them up and she says she'll dispatch someone over to my place.

"Any idea how much this is going to cost?"

"Well its $40 to have them come out, and $15 or more depending on how difficult it is to get it open"

Ok........$55............sucks, but I'll eat it up since I'm dumb enough to get myself in this situation.

Did I mention that the locksmith office was located in my town???
Yeah..........so I was just a tad perturbed that it took the damn guy an HOUR to finally come.
He did call saying he was stuck in traffic, but the office is in the same town!! C'mon!!!

Anyway, he gets there, walks up the stairs, looks at the lock and says,

"Its going to be $149 to get this open"

"Are you serious?? The girl on the phone said $40???"

"Thats just for the visit. The rest is because this is a pretty tough lock"

(For a second I take that as a compliment that I know how to pick quality locks)

"Plus, if I can't pick it, I'm gonna have to drill it"

Since I didn't really think I had too many options at that point, I gave him the go-ahead.

So he fiddles with his little kit of picks and whatnot, jabbing different things in the keyhole for a few minutes and then turns to me.

"I'm gonna have to drill it"

"Are you serious??!"


So of course he comes up with the drill, drills a hole, and then opens the door with a screw driver.

I go in, get my wallet and keys and pay him.

I couldn't help but just stop for a minute to think about what had just happened.

Then I realize.........

The best option would've been to just kick the damn door in myself!!!

I just paid some crook $150 to basically destroy my quality lock.

If I would've just kicked the damn door in, I still would've had my lock and would've just had to repair a wooden doorframe which would've run me only maybe $40!!


For THAT - I give myself an
OMG!! Srsly!??


To the fugitive who killed the cop.........
To the 3 punkass teens on the train...........
To the ripoff locksmith..............

I give a hearty and well-deserved


So I can't end on a sour note, so here's some humor for Star Wars or James Earl Jones fans:

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