The Sun and I

The sun rose again this morning,
illuminating a clear sky,
slowly lighting the horizon
and gently warming my mind.
And as the day was born,
I looked into my heart,
to discover once again
what just the night before,
had slowly ripped it apart.
The familiar sting
of a love long lost
and vivid memories of heartache.
A painful nostalgia
of a future that never was,
and a nightmare from which I couldn't wake.
Bitter memories of regret
and bad decisions made
that haunted my thoughts yet still,
a loving man's disdain,
for failing his lonely heart
and blaming fate for the pain he now feels.
But with the birth of dawn
comes a chance to live anew,
and like the sun rose again this morning
it will rise tomorrow too.
But as the newly glowing sky
helps my battered heart revive,
along with the sun as it rises this morning,
so, dear love, do I.

Holding a Candle

I did know love once.
And the stars did shine brighter then.

And now I stand stunned,
in the dark,
looking for someone to hold a candle for me.

Feeling idle on land,
or floating on water,
I'm blind either way to what lies ahead.

The blurry vision of the past
glows softly to light a path,
and I'll venture willingly towards the unknown.

Eyes closed or wide open,
its with my heart that I see
only the darkness that floods the space around me.

and I keep walking,
and walking,
and following a path that I create as I go

and walking,
Looking for the light with that loving glow,
a light to show where my heart should be,

I won't stop
I won't fail
I won't rest until the darkness is no longer seen,
and I'll look for someone to hold a candle for me.

The Occurrence of Love

...and it occurred to me then,
the distinct difference between love that exists in my mind
and love that exists in my heart.
What logic says - the heart ignores,
and what the heart craves - will not always be reasonable.
But its in the littlest of things that true love is born.
Always the briefest of moments,
the kind that I'd be content to stay in forever,
where my heart finds the greatest of joys.
And I've learned that while love can be a constant,
it can also be random and spontaneous,
like a poem from the heart.
That? This? Here? Her? Yes!!
The pursuit of happiness is nothing more than the pursuit of love,
and our one-track mind is forever guided by the desires of the heart.

Projections

Its by the calming smell of my pumpkin spice candle that I sit here and
let my mind drown in thoughts of you.
The flame dances joyfully in all different directions - mimicking my heart.

Its now, when all I'm surrounded by is emptiness and solitude,
that I somehow find you everywhere I look.
The pillows, the plants, the empty space around me: all full of your smiling face.

If my mind could project my thoughts into images in the air,
the world would be swirling with your beautiful figure and comforting eyes,
and everyone would know what now only my heart sees clearly.

By The Hand

Just kinda.......walking slow
hunched over
shoulders slumped
moreover,
not sure
of whats to come.
Like a little kid
at times,
feeling almost naked
in a world of formal minds.
Like everyone's watching
with critical eyes,
as I succumb to the pressure
and step up to the side,
step right up to the edge
where there's no where to hide.
Too much pressure
just building inside,
now nervously shaking,
taking a peek
at what lies below
and what lies ahead.
Now,
suddenly,
overwhelmed by the outcomes
of past decisions I dread.
I need some support
but the ground only trembles
and bends,
up and down,
as I struggle to balance,
looking around,
for someone
to take me by the hand,
and show me the way,
where to go,
what to do,
but mostly,
for someone
to just take me by the hand.

Welcome! We Stalked You!

I started a new job this week at a company where I didn't go in knowing anyone.  

Monday was tough.  Tons of information thrown at me from all directions, pulled a 14-hour day, etc.  On top of that, I was introduced to about 20 different people, of whom I actually only remembered maybe half of their names.

Tuesday was a little easier.  Taking in all I was given the day before, doing some more knowledge assimilation, and of course, still meeting people.

One of the guys in my department introduced himself, welcomed me, and then said: "So I gotta ask the question that's on everyone's mind.......what's up with the Chapstick video?"

Surprised, I couldn't help but smile and laugh as several others that overhead him also turned around to hear my reply - indicating that several people knew what he was talking about.

I told him it was for a video contest.  He asked if I had won, and I told him no, I wasn't even a finalist.

I noticed a few others nearby smiling, as I wondered out loud how all these people had aparrently Googled my name before I even started there.

Fast forward a few hours.............

The clusterfuck that is NJ Transit had all trains on my line delayed due to signal problems.

Instead of waiting around 2 hours for my train to Metropark, I decided to take a train leaving sooner to New Brunswick, and then I'd just cab it to Metropark to get my car.

Thanks to the hundreds of other people who swarmed that train, (and the fat, sweaty guy making love to a slice of pizza in front of my face) it wasn't a pleasant ride.  But, I did get to New Brunswick.

Exiting the track to the street, I walked over to the first taxi, which already had a guy waiting in the back seat. 

The driver asked me where I was going and I told him Metropark. He told me to get in.

I sit in the back, and as I'm closing the door, the guy already there says, "IPsoft, right?"

"Yeah!" I say, thinking the binder I was holding with the IPsoft logo gave me away.

The guy procedes to introduce himself, and by crazy coincidence, works at IPsoft also!!

He's in a totally different department, but had recognized me from my photo that was sent out to staff in a welcome email.

We introduced ourselves and chit-chatted...........and then he says, "and oh yeah, I saw the Chapstick video too."

So apparently, I'm just so awesome that everyone there Googled me and passed around the link to the video.

Even more amusing, if you go to the Chapstick video on Vimeo and look at the view statistics on the bottom right, you can clearly see what days everyone there was checking it out!

Initially I thought it was kind of stalkerish...............but now, I'm kind of flattered. 

Without My Heart

I would look at my fingers
as you pull them from my hands,
one by one,
grabbing hold,
tearing
flesh from bone,
expressionless.
With unfazed eyes,
no wincing
no fighting
I'd watch them go,
with a face stone cold.

I would glance at my arms,
as you tore them apart,
ripped from my shoulders,
yanking,
breaking,
strands of muscle
hanging,
as is my head
with eyes still staring,
unfazed,
glaring,
I'd watch them go,
drop to the floor
with a face stone cold.

But my will may start to falter,
as I watch you take my feet.
I look down,
cutting me deep,
you continue to pull,
bleeding,
no longer able to stand,
kneeling,
closer to the floor.
Cold.
I'd still be watching you
with a face of stone.

And I think my eyes will swell,
as I see you take my legs.
Fallen to my back,
broken,
cracked,
bone to the floor,
cold stone.
But I'll still be watching you,
eyes still prone.

But oh how I will squirm,
and moan in pain,
when it is my eyes
you must take away.
I will hurt
I will burn
but my gaze still won't falter,
I will still face your way.

But then.....
But then.....
All my hope will surrender,
my will, no doubt, break,
when at last
it's my heart you must take.
Only then......
Only then will I scream.
Only then will I truly hurt.
Only then will my anguish
be too much to bear,
because,
only then will I succumb
to despair.

Because....

the truth is,
I don't need my fingers,
and can do without touching your soft face.

And the truth is,
I will get by without my arms,
and sacrifice your sweet embrace.

And the truth is,
I can make it with no feet,
and give up standing beside you.

And the truth is,
I'm alright without my legs.
I can live without kneeling before you.

And the truth is,
I can even yet survive
without my eyes,
losing the image of your lovely sight.

But without my heart.........
without my heart.....

my love dies.


-B. Stinga 2010