Once again, I find myself pondering the passing of another set of 365 days and how I spent them.
For some odd reason, I've always been very introspective and retrospective when it came to time.
In high school, in college, at random milestones that I'd encounter or make up in my mind............I'd consciously stop and try to fathom how much time had passed and how everything since then had brought me to the spot I was at that point. I'd pause to reflect on my memories of anything and everything that I could dig up from the back of my mind. It's a very bittersweet thing to do because nostalgia isn't always pleasant. Something about getting older and the passing of time and realizing that all those fun/happy things from the past are forever gone and unattainable is just plain depressing.
That's what I get for listening to Radiohead while I write this!!
But depression, just like all other emotions, is a very personal and intense feeling that everyone needs to experience at some point or another. Just like death, heartache and disappointment, its an essential emotion that I believe people need to fully embrace and experience in order to become a truly well-rounded and self-aware individual. If you've never been exposed to personal hardships, you lack the important wisdom that comes with that valuable life experience. You can't speak from the heart about or fully grasp the intensity of pain and loss until you've experienced it yourself. There is no getting around it.
..........and now that I've dragged you into my little dark hole of melancholia, let me turn your face towards the light and assure you that I am still the eternal optimist. No matter where you find yourself, there is always more fun to be had, people to love and be loved by, and more life to live and look forward to. At some point - hopefully sooner than later - you'll realize that living well is not something that can be done passively.
Don't be the train stuck on the rails, just going wherever the track leads and having no say about it.
Jump off the damn tracks!!
The only person holding you back is YOU!
These barriers and restraints and responsibilities that you use as excuses to hold you back from living are only that - excuses. Don't stand in the way of your dreams, whatever they may be. And if you don't know what those dreams are yet, then now is the time to find out. All the stuff you've been putting off and been wanting to try but haven't - do it. Time will not slow down for you, so you need to get your ass moving and live the life you've always imagined. Go for it! You will never know what you can't do until you try!
As for myself, I'm going to try to live the next year and beyond with these words as my mantra, while also going for a few resolutions of my own. Without too much elaboration, let's just say I have a few creative endeavors to try my hand at, traveling to do, physical and emotional challenges to undertake, people to speak my heart and mind to, loves to discover, and more meaningless dribble to post on this blog. In addition to that, (to borrow from my post from a year ago) I still want to continue to be a better man and have it all together, in both body and mind.
I'm confident I'm fulfilling that pledge and will continue to do so as I dropkick 2011 in the face and make it my bitch..............and I hope you do the same!!
Wishing you all the very best this year and beyond.....