Birthday Blah

Another year, another party...........
Well, not JUST another party. I got wayy too smashed at this party.
Like as in black-out smashed, which is why I'm not too proud of what I'm hearing I did during some of those hours that I don't remember at all.

So - no picts posted here. Sorry.

I'll admit, I'm glad everyone seemed to have a great time, but never again will I drink like that. Never again.......

Anyway, I haven't shared my writings in a while so I thought I would.

Enjoy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=


To say the least,
I suffer most,
when opportunities are found,
but it's time that's lost.
Hopes fly high,
while expectations stay low,
inspiration comes,
while the emotion goes.
My imagination wanders,
yet my heart stays true.
It's the moments of strangeness
my soul always knows,
a melodic tune,
a forgotten prose.
All work and no play
can't work for everyday.
But coming full circle,
to get straight to the point,
I tip-toe a line
between black and white,
dreading the day,
and dreaming away the night.................

Paradise Lost

It's a very uneasy feeling you experience when something that you were looking forward to with such eager anticipation and excitement, just blows up in your face at the last minute.



Part of my frustration is that there are very few things in this life that truly excite me.
Likewise, there's very few times in this life that I've been so utterly disappointed as I am right now.

My excitement came from the opportunity to apply for the best job in the world!

A DREAM job for me.
A tropical island.
The sun, surf, thousands of wonderful fish and other animals...........
Perhaps I just got over-excited at the opportunity for something different, even though it was seemingly unattainable from the onset. But nevertheless, I was looking forward to just a shot at applying as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that I couldn't pass up.

Either way, it's an incredible combination of some of the things I really love in this world, and I couldn't help but be excited to apply............
...and because of that, I'm all the more disappointed that I wasn't able to.


It just seemed to be one frustrating setback after another.
First, where to find a camera.

I found one to borrow, but then he needed it back.
Then I found another one through a generous friend of a friend.

So I had a plan for what I would film and how the video application would look.
It was PERFECT in my mind, and not too hard to do.

Next setback -- I couldn't get friends together to film the scenes with me.
Business trips, planning weddings, having babies...........

So that forced a change of plan.
Now, instead of filming so much, I'd just needed them to call a phone number and leave a message saying good things about me and I'd use that as audio for other stuff I'd film.

Next setback -- nobody was calling or even replying to me.
I had to contact people again BEGGING to please call.
It came down to 2 days before the video was due and only 1 person had called.
This is really when I started feeling the tinge of disappointment.

Are they busy?
Are they not taking me seriously?
Do they just not care?
I wasn't sure what to think.

Finally, on Saturday, after reminding people, I had a handful of messages to work with and had filmed what I needed.
More setbacks Saturday night meant no real editing until Sunday.

Sunday I finally get to edit the video after a crash course in iMovie and GarageBand.
By this point, I'm frustrated but getting it done, and I reached the point where I just wanted to get it finished and submitted.

Then.....
I go to the website to submit it and.............
SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED!!!

The deadline was midnight on the 22nd........................... in UTC time!!!!

I missed it by 45 minutes!!!



Heart-broken.
Disappointed.
Embarrassed.

The only thing that bothered me more than settling for a video I wasn't very proud of was knowing that after all was said and done, I really only have myself to blame for everything.
I should have never let myself get that excited.
I should have never allowed myself to rely on anyone else to help me.
I should have done stuff a lot earlier.


Enough.
It's done with.

Here's what I ended up with if anyone cares........

Drones

back and forth
left to right
sands of time
twist and wind
like a clock
tick and tock
everyday
fades away
wall to wall
in a cage
same old game
everyday
round and round
world of play
bound in chains
dying dreams
fading day
after day
so much life
fades away
born in hope
dead in time
trapped in maze
rats and minds
none are free
reality
sets in slow
seems to grow
dreams like waves
swept away
crumbling soul
shattered hope
day to day
try to cope
looking close
they're all drones
in disguise
made with bones
bloodshot eyes
little kids
boys and girls
hide behind
adult world
killing time
just like day
after day
fading dreams
fade away
like our minds
turn to stone
dying dreams
living drones

Doing it My Way

Keeping it short but sweet this post.

Work, life, love, weather, etc., all taking up time.

(ok probably not THAT much, but still.....)



I'm a big fan of Frank Sinatra, and also a big fan of Bono.
Did you know he's the only person to ever be nominated for an Academy Award, Golden Globe, Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize??


So it's very cool to read this editorial from Bono regarding the current times and new year and how 'Old Blue Eyes' can help us relate to it.


And if you haven't recently, go listen to some classic Sinatra.
It'll do your soul good.

Welcome To My Island

Mention the words "paradise" or "tropical" and most people tend to immediately think of some deserted island, with powdery white sand and crystal blue water, and nothing on the horizon but a giant orange sun and the reflection of waves as they bounce off in the distance.

I imagine myself in a beach chair made of native wood, sipping a Corona or a margarita under the cool shade of a giant palm tree and a coconut falling on my head.

(maybe not the coconut part....)

ahhh..


Back to reality!!

I've found myself lacking a lot of motivation as of late.
Besides working out and going to the gym, and maybe my writing, I've come to realize that I don't have much motivation when it comes to any other aspect of my life - especially my career.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very fortunate and thankful for my current position, but does it bring me a sense of accomplishment?
No.

Do I have any passion for what I do?
Unfortunately, yet again, no.

I don't despise it, but I can't deny the urge to start, well, LIVING a little more of the life I envision in my mind.

For a guy with such an active imagination, this may be a challenge, but I can't help it! Be it a selfish notion or not, I see myself doing something remarkable and admirable. Whether it's something that makes me famous, or rich, or loved the world over, there's just something ELSE I need to do some day...............so why not make that day come sooner rather than later????

Having said that, I have decided to apply for the best job in the world.

I can't quite explain the new sense of excitement I've had since Flor sent me that link this morning.

It's not just an escape - I LOVE nature and the ocean!

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I love fishing and camping and hiking and bugs and being outdoors for any an all reasons. Boating, crabbing, lobstering, kayaking, rock-climbing, trail-running, snorkeling................I'm there!

Could this be something I was meant to do???

We'll see.............

I'll be accepting any ideas for the video application I have to send in.
Can you think of something I should say or show?
Let me know!!

..............and if I by some chance make it, you're invited for a drink and a naked romp around my island!

Link:

Doing Fine in '09

2008 was a year that seemed so much longer than it actually was.

A lot happened.

Engagements, weddings, babies, deaths.........

It was a year of firsts,
a year of accomplishments,
a year of regrets,
and a year of hard work.

As I look back on it, the optimist in me can't help but think it was a positive year.

I wouldn't say I'm lucky, but on the whole, things went well for me.
Although, most people who know me would totally disagree and say that I am indeed lucky.
Oddly enough, when it comes to something totally random like a scratch-off lottery ticket, I tend to win more times than not, while others don't.
Then there's gambling, but my game is blackjack and I think that requires just enough skill to say that you can't entirely rely on luck alone in order to be a winner.

(Then again, I did lose a nice chunk of change on New Years Eve in AC with all the 13s and 14s I was getting, and all the 20s and blackjacks the dealer was getting)

BUT, as this editorial can attest, luck is likely just a state of mind combined with the amount of tension you feel.

For a person like me who is usually mellow, this may just explain it.


I don't have any real resolutions this year - other than to keep up with the fitness regimen I've been on the past few weeks, and to pursue more enriching activities to fill my time with.

Career-wise, it's hard to give up something so stable in times like this, but the thoughts of pursuing something new are there.

Perhaps a Masters degree?
A new line of work?

Can you picture me giving up my high-paying job in S0Ho and becoming a Personal Trainer in San Diego or a Nature Survivalist in Colorado??? (seriously...........can you?)

I, as well as others I'm close to, are beginning to rethink what makes us happy in life - friends, family, career, ambitions, etc., and attempt to move in the direction of a more fulfilling existence.

Some have referred to it as a "quarter-life crisis."
While that does accurately describe it to a degree, it's hard to sum up all the doubts and anxieties in one little stupid catch phrase.

Either way, I look forward to 2009 with the same optimism I brought from 2008, and I wish the best out of life for all those I care for as well as myself.

And of course, it's always necessary to keep one's sense of humor......

Oh Hai!

Well hello there, my dear friend.

'Tis indeed been a while since I've stopped by for a visit.

Days and weeks have passed, and also has time and memories come and gone.

Thanksgiving was sweet and hearty; full of smiles and laughs and the warmth of family.
Weekends were spent divulging in reckless dancing and drinking and enjoying the company of friends.

Tedious nights spent working, along with enlightening hours of conversation; all spent in the same room on the same days.

The same miles covered by train rides with the comforting sounds of music to relax me to sleep, and, to provide daily doses of forced reflections upon an always optimistic yet melancholy soul.

Giant trees carried and decorated for Christmas, twinkling lights hung, and candles dispersed and lit to create the perfect holiday sanctuary in the comfort of my own home.

Heartfelt conversations.

Fits of secret jealousy.

Days of pity as friends lost their jobs.

Minor milestones along with minor disappointments.

In all, a decent yet comparably minute span of life.

And yet, life, still it is.

Good night.