Holding a Candle

I did know love once.
And the stars did shine brighter then.

And now I stand stunned,
in the dark,
looking for someone to hold a candle for me.

Feeling idle on land,
or floating on water,
I'm blind either way to what lies ahead.

The blurry vision of the past
glows softly to light a path,
and I'll venture willingly towards the unknown.

Eyes closed or wide open,
its with my heart that I see
only the darkness that floods the space around me.

and I keep walking,
and walking,
and following a path that I create as I go

and walking,
Looking for the light with that loving glow,
a light to show where my heart should be,

I won't stop
I won't fail
I won't rest until the darkness is no longer seen,
and I'll look for someone to hold a candle for me.

The Occurrence of Love

...and it occurred to me then,
the distinct difference between love that exists in my mind
and love that exists in my heart.
What logic says - the heart ignores,
and what the heart craves - will not always be reasonable.
But its in the littlest of things that true love is born.
Always the briefest of moments,
the kind that I'd be content to stay in forever,
where my heart finds the greatest of joys.
And I've learned that while love can be a constant,
it can also be random and spontaneous,
like a poem from the heart.
That? This? Here? Her? Yes!!
The pursuit of happiness is nothing more than the pursuit of love,
and our one-track mind is forever guided by the desires of the heart.

Projections

Its by the calming smell of my pumpkin spice candle that I sit here and
let my mind drown in thoughts of you.
The flame dances joyfully in all different directions - mimicking my heart.

Its now, when all I'm surrounded by is emptiness and solitude,
that I somehow find you everywhere I look.
The pillows, the plants, the empty space around me: all full of your smiling face.

If my mind could project my thoughts into images in the air,
the world would be swirling with your beautiful figure and comforting eyes,
and everyone would know what now only my heart sees clearly.

By The Hand

Just kinda.......walking slow
hunched over
shoulders slumped
moreover,
not sure
of whats to come.
Like a little kid
at times,
feeling almost naked
in a world of formal minds.
Like everyone's watching
with critical eyes,
as I succumb to the pressure
and step up to the side,
step right up to the edge
where there's no where to hide.
Too much pressure
just building inside,
now nervously shaking,
taking a peek
at what lies below
and what lies ahead.
Now,
suddenly,
overwhelmed by the outcomes
of past decisions I dread.
I need some support
but the ground only trembles
and bends,
up and down,
as I struggle to balance,
looking around,
for someone
to take me by the hand,
and show me the way,
where to go,
what to do,
but mostly,
for someone
to just take me by the hand.

Welcome! We Stalked You!

I started a new job this week at a company where I didn't go in knowing anyone.  

Monday was tough.  Tons of information thrown at me from all directions, pulled a 14-hour day, etc.  On top of that, I was introduced to about 20 different people, of whom I actually only remembered maybe half of their names.

Tuesday was a little easier.  Taking in all I was given the day before, doing some more knowledge assimilation, and of course, still meeting people.

One of the guys in my department introduced himself, welcomed me, and then said: "So I gotta ask the question that's on everyone's mind.......what's up with the Chapstick video?"

Surprised, I couldn't help but smile and laugh as several others that overhead him also turned around to hear my reply - indicating that several people knew what he was talking about.

I told him it was for a video contest.  He asked if I had won, and I told him no, I wasn't even a finalist.

I noticed a few others nearby smiling, as I wondered out loud how all these people had aparrently Googled my name before I even started there.

Fast forward a few hours.............

The clusterfuck that is NJ Transit had all trains on my line delayed due to signal problems.

Instead of waiting around 2 hours for my train to Metropark, I decided to take a train leaving sooner to New Brunswick, and then I'd just cab it to Metropark to get my car.

Thanks to the hundreds of other people who swarmed that train, (and the fat, sweaty guy making love to a slice of pizza in front of my face) it wasn't a pleasant ride.  But, I did get to New Brunswick.

Exiting the track to the street, I walked over to the first taxi, which already had a guy waiting in the back seat. 

The driver asked me where I was going and I told him Metropark. He told me to get in.

I sit in the back, and as I'm closing the door, the guy already there says, "IPsoft, right?"

"Yeah!" I say, thinking the binder I was holding with the IPsoft logo gave me away.

The guy procedes to introduce himself, and by crazy coincidence, works at IPsoft also!!

He's in a totally different department, but had recognized me from my photo that was sent out to staff in a welcome email.

We introduced ourselves and chit-chatted...........and then he says, "and oh yeah, I saw the Chapstick video too."

So apparently, I'm just so awesome that everyone there Googled me and passed around the link to the video.

Even more amusing, if you go to the Chapstick video on Vimeo and look at the view statistics on the bottom right, you can clearly see what days everyone there was checking it out!

Initially I thought it was kind of stalkerish...............but now, I'm kind of flattered. 

Without My Heart

I would look at my fingers
as you pull them from my hands,
one by one,
grabbing hold,
tearing
flesh from bone,
expressionless.
With unfazed eyes,
no wincing
no fighting
I'd watch them go,
with a face stone cold.

I would glance at my arms,
as you tore them apart,
ripped from my shoulders,
yanking,
breaking,
strands of muscle
hanging,
as is my head
with eyes still staring,
unfazed,
glaring,
I'd watch them go,
drop to the floor
with a face stone cold.

But my will may start to falter,
as I watch you take my feet.
I look down,
cutting me deep,
you continue to pull,
bleeding,
no longer able to stand,
kneeling,
closer to the floor.
Cold.
I'd still be watching you
with a face of stone.

And I think my eyes will swell,
as I see you take my legs.
Fallen to my back,
broken,
cracked,
bone to the floor,
cold stone.
But I'll still be watching you,
eyes still prone.

But oh how I will squirm,
and moan in pain,
when it is my eyes
you must take away.
I will hurt
I will burn
but my gaze still won't falter,
I will still face your way.

But then.....
But then.....
All my hope will surrender,
my will, no doubt, break,
when at last
it's my heart you must take.
Only then......
Only then will I scream.
Only then will I truly hurt.
Only then will my anguish
be too much to bear,
because,
only then will I succumb
to despair.

Because....

the truth is,
I don't need my fingers,
and can do without touching your soft face.

And the truth is,
I will get by without my arms,
and sacrifice your sweet embrace.

And the truth is,
I can make it with no feet,
and give up standing beside you.

And the truth is,
I'm alright without my legs.
I can live without kneeling before you.

And the truth is,
I can even yet survive
without my eyes,
losing the image of your lovely sight.

But without my heart.........
without my heart.....

my love dies.


-B. Stinga 2010

My Health, My Fitness, My Advice

You don't have to know me for long to realize that I make my personal health and fitness a top priority in life.

I'm very conscious of everything I do with and to my body, and I'm very in-tune with everything it tells me.

My reasons for this go back to my childhood.

God bless my Mom and her genes, but both of them have presented obstacles for me in life when it comes to my health and physical condition.  Her side of the family is rampant with heart disease, high blood pressure, alcoholism and obesity. To make things worse, she overcompensated for her less-than-privileged childhood by making sure to always have snacks and treats around when I was a kid. To her, this was good mothering - giving your kids cookies, cake and ice cream - food that makes them happy.  Unfortunately for me, that helped to make me the "fat boy" that I got called in elementary and middle school.

Turning into a teenager brings with it the strong desire to fit in and be cool, so becoming selfish and concerned with your image is almost inevitable.  This need to change my body is what drove me to harness my will power and change my eating habits.  I can vividly remember being 12yrs old or so and going into the snack cabinet for a handful of cookies as I'd done so many times before. But on this occasion, I distinctly recall saying to myself, "Do I really want to eat these cookies? Is the brief, pleasing taste of these cookies worth the lasting effects of being fat?"  Then I put them back, and my uncanny will power was born.

Playing sports in high school greatly aided me in my physical appearance goals, but it was truly my strong desire and will power to control my diet that made the difference, and still does today.  So although I commonly get asked about what kind of exercises and workouts I do or how much I bench or what supplements I take, it's really about how and what I eat and other little lifestyle changes here and there that have more of an impact on my overall health.

If you already know the stuff I'm about to share - awesome.  If you disagree - cool. Ignore me. But I know a lot of people have no clue about how to make positive changes to their health, and this is for them.  I've read dozens of magazines, books, websites, blogs and scientific studies.  I've played sports and worked with athletes, coaches and personal trainers.  I've been injured and consulted with doctors and gone through physical therapy.  I've taken each and every opportunity presented to me to learn about human physiology and anatomy, and the knowledge I believe to be true is based on years of experience and a genuine love of sport and fitness.

So without further delay and not due to popular request (nor anyone's request for that matter), I hereby present to you in no particular order of importance.......


Brian's Top Tips For General Health

Drink a big glass of water first thing when you wake up in the morning.
You'd have to be living under a rock to not know that drinking a lot of water and staying hydrated is a good thing for your metabolism.  Everyone should try to drink a lot more during the day than they do now.  So ponder this - would you go the entire 8 or so hours you're at work without drinking anything? Of course not.  The same concept goes for when you're sleeping - you wake up dehydrated and a big glass of water jump starts your metabolism.  Aim for at least 16 ounces. Then later:

Eat Breakfast
Studies show that people who skip breakfast are 450% more likely to be overweight!!  I didn't make that shit up!  Eat something for breakfast!

You can't out-train a bad diet.
Unless you have an intense workout regimen, you will not be able to compensate for a shitty diet enough to get that six pack.  If you truly want to lose more weight and become fitter, put more effort into getting your eating habits right before wasting too much time trying to figure out which workout to try.

Take a high-quality multivitamin.
Pretty much nobody gets adequate amounts of necessary nutrients from their diets.  Because of that, you're likely deficient in several vitamins and minerals and might never know it until a serious health issue arises.  Find a high-quality multivitamin and take it daily.  You might still be deficient in specific things, but this will greatly decrease your chances of it being serious.

When you get sick, immediately stop eating sugary foods.
When scientists need to study bacteria and yeast, they grow them in petri dishes containing agar, which is a polymer made up of sugar.  Think about that for a minute.  Here's more to read if you don't believe me.

Sleep
Get at least 7-8 hours per night.  Don't listen to this BS "some people don't need as much sleep as others." That is crap.  Sleep isn't just so you have enough energy to get through the next day, it's to help your body recover and rebuild.

Stop Making Excuses
Excuses are for people who just don't have enough desire. There's always going to be mornings you wake up tired. There's always going to be days you have a cold or feel sore or a little hungover. There's always going to be an easy reason to not get any exercise.  There's always going to be unhealthy food closer at hand than healthy food. There is ALWAYS something to use an excuse as to why you can't do something positive for your health. Stop making excuses, and you'll realize you have more time and opportunity than you think for some exercise or a healthier meal.

Make It A Habit
Another one to thank my Mom for.  There's been a lot of times I'll tell her how I decided to start/stop eating a certain food and she'll comment "Oh, Brian's on a health kick again."  This prompted me to let her know that its not a diet, its not a kick, its not a fad - its a lifestyle.  The word diet implies some temporary strategy, and you don't want temporary, you want permanent.  Think of your eating habit as a diet, and it will eventually fail. Studies show its takes 21 days to make a habit.  Stick it though those 21 days and it becomes much easier to continue the healthy changes you've made since they'll become part of your daily ritual and lifestyle.

When it comes down to it, wanting to be healthier or fitter - or wanting anything in life, for that matter - requires only a strong enough desire. Once you can harness that desire within yourself, you will easily seek out the necessary knowledge and be well on your way to achieving your goals.

Enable your will power to become your true friend....................or it the lack of it will remain the enemy that stands between you and your accomplishments.

Good luck!