B_Sting's Blog

Holding a Candle

2012-02-05T01:31:00.000-05:00

I did know love once.
And the stars did shine brighter then.

And now I stand stunned,
in the dark,
looking for someone to hold a candle for me.

Feeling idle on land,
or floating on water,
I'm blind either way to what lies ahead.

The blurry vision of the past
glows softly to light a path,
and I'll venture willingly towards the unknown.

Eyes closed or wide open,
its with my heart that I see
only the darkness that floods the space around me.

and I keep walking,
and walking,
and following a path that I create as I go

and walking,
Looking for the light with that loving glow,
a light to show where my heart should be,

I won't stop
I won't fail
I won't rest until the darkness is no longer seen,
and I'll look for someone to hold a candle for me.

The Occurrence of Love

2011-12-27T17:59:00.001-05:00

...and it occurred to me then,
the distinct difference between love that exists in my mind
and love that exists in my heart.
What logic says - the heart ignores,
and what the heart craves - will not always be reasonable.
But its in the littlest of things that true love is born.
Always the briefest of moments,
the kind that I'd be content to stay in forever,
where my heart finds the greatest of joys.
And I've learned that while love can be a constant,
it can also be random and spontaneous,
like a poem from the heart.
That? This? Here? Her? Yes!!
The pursuit of happiness is nothing more than the pursuit of love,
and our one-track mind is forever guided by the desires of the heart.

Projections

2011-12-13T11:25:00.001-05:00

Its by the calming smell of my pumpkin spice candle that I sit here and
let my mind drown in thoughts of you.
The flame dances joyfully in all different directions - mimicking my heart.

Its now, when all I'm surrounded by is emptiness and solitude,
that I somehow find you everywhere I look.
The pillows, the plants, the empty space around me: all full of your smiling face.

If my mind could project my thoughts into images in the air,
the world would be swirling with your beautiful figure and comforting eyes,
and everyone would know what now only my heart sees clearly.

By The Hand

2011-10-27T09:55:00.002-04:00

Just kinda.......walking slow
hunched over
shoulders slumped
moreover,
not sure
of whats to come.
Like a little kid
at times,
feeling almost naked
in a world of formal minds.
Like everyone's watching
with critical eyes,
as I succumb to the pressure
and step up to the side,
step right up to the edge
where there's no where to hide.
Too much pressure
just building inside,
now nervously shaking,
taking a peek
at what lies below
and what lies ahead.
Now,
suddenly,
overwhelmed by the outcomes
of past decisions I dread.
I need some support
but the ground only trembles
and bends,
up and down,
as I struggle to balance,
looking around,
for someone
to take me by the hand,
and show me the way,
where to go,
what to do,
but mostly,
for someone
to just take me by the hand.

Welcome! We Stalked You!

2011-09-28T22:59:00.000-04:00

I started a new job this week at a company where I didn't go in knowing anyone.

Monday was tough. Tons of information thrown at me from all directions, pulled a 14-hour day, etc. On top of that, I was introduced to about 20 different people, of whom I actually only remembered maybe half of their names.

Tuesday was a little easier. Taking in all I was given the day before, doing some more knowledge assimilation, and of course, still meeting people.

One of the guys in my department introduced himself, welcomed me, and then said: "So I gotta ask the question that's on everyone's mind.......what's up with the Chapstick video?"

Surprised, I couldn't help but smile and laugh as several others that overhead him also turned around to hear my reply - indicating that several people knew what he was talking about.

I told him it was for a video contest. He asked if I had won, and I told him no, I wasn't even a finalist.

I noticed a few others nearby smiling, as I wondered out loud how all these people had aparrently Googled my name before I even started there.

Fast forward a few hours.............

The clusterfuck that is NJ Transit had all trains on my line delayed due to signal problems.

Instead of waiting around 2 hours for my train to Metropark, I decided to take a train leaving sooner to New Brunswick, and then I'd just cab it to Metropark to get my car.

Thanks to the hundreds of other people who swarmed that train, (and the fat, sweaty guy making love to a slice of pizza in front of my face) it wasn't a pleasant ride. But, I did get to New Brunswick.

Exiting the track to the street, I walked over to the first taxi, which already had a guy waiting in the back seat.

The driver asked me where I was going and I told him Metropark. He told me to get in.

I sit in the back, and as I'm closing the door, the guy already there says, "IPsoft, right?"

"Yeah!" I say, thinking the binder I was holding with the IPsoft logo gave me away.

The guy procedes to introduce himself, and by crazy coincidence, works at IPsoft also!!

He's in a totally different department, but had recognized me from my photo that was sent out to staff in a welcome email.

We introduced ourselves and chit-chatted...........and then he says, "and oh yeah, I saw the Chapstick video too."

So apparently, I'm just so awesome that everyone there Googled me and passed around the link to the video.

Even more amusing, if you go to the Chapstick video on Vimeo and look at the view statistics on the bottom right, you can clearly see what days everyone there was checking it out!

Initially I thought it was kind of stalkerish...............but now, I'm kind of flattered.

Without My Heart

2011-07-14T12:57:00.000-04:00

I would look at my fingers
as you pull them from my hands,
one by one,
grabbing hold,
tearing
flesh from bone,
expressionless.
With unfazed eyes,
no wincing
no fighting
I'd watch them go,
with a face stone cold.

I would glance at my arms,
as you tore them apart,
ripped from my shoulders,
yanking,
breaking,
strands of muscle
hanging,
as is my head
with eyes still staring,
unfazed,
glaring,
I'd watch them go,
drop to the floor
with a face stone cold.

But my will may start to falter,
as I watch you take my feet.
I look down,
cutting me deep,
you continue to pull,
bleeding,
no longer able to stand,
kneeling,
closer to the floor.
Cold.
I'd still be watching you
with a face of stone.

And I think my eyes will swell,
as I see you take my legs.
Fallen to my back,
broken,
cracked,
bone to the floor,
cold stone.
But I'll still be watching you,
eyes still prone.

But oh how I will squirm,
and moan in pain,
when it is my eyes
you must take away.
I will hurt
I will burn
but my gaze still won't falter,
I will still face your way.

But then.....
But then.....
All my hope will surrender,
my will, no doubt, break,
when at last
it's my heart you must take.
Only then......
Only then will I scream.
Only then will I truly hurt.
Only then will my anguish
be too much to bear,
because,
only then will I succumb
to despair.

Because....

the truth is,
I don't need my fingers,
and can do without touching your soft face.

And the truth is,
I will get by without my arms,
and sacrifice your sweet embrace.

And the truth is,
I can make it with no feet,
and give up standing beside you.

And the truth is,
I'm alright without my legs.
I can live without kneeling before you.

And the truth is,
I can even yet survive
without my eyes,
losing the image of your lovely sight.

But without my heart.........
without my heart.....

my love dies.

-B. Stinga 2010

My Health, My Fitness, My Advice

2011-06-24T07:44:00.005-04:00

You don't have to know me for long to realize that I make my personal health and fitness a top priority in life.

I'm very conscious of everything I do with and to my body, and I'm very in-tune with everything it tells me.

My reasons for this go back to my childhood.

God bless my Mom and her genes, but both of them have presented obstacles for me in life when it comes to my health and physical condition. Her side of the family is rampant with heart disease, high blood pressure, alcoholism and obesity. To make things worse, she overcompensated for her less-than-privileged childhood by making sure to always have snacks and treats around when I was a kid. To her, this was good mothering - giving your kids cookies, cake and ice cream - food that makes them happy. Unfortunately for me, that helped to make me the "fat boy" that I got called in elementary and middle school.

Turning into a teenager brings with it the strong desire to fit in and be cool, so becoming selfish and concerned with your image is almost inevitable. This need to change my body is what drove me to harness my will power and change my eating habits. I can vividly remember being 12yrs old or so and going into the snack cabinet for a handful of cookies as I'd done so many times before. But on this occasion, I distinctly recall saying to myself, "Do I really want to eat these cookies? Is the brief, pleasing taste of these cookies worth the lasting effects of being fat?" Then I put them back, and my uncanny will power was born.

Playing sports in high school greatly aided me in my physical appearance goals, but it was truly my strong desire and will power to control my diet that made the difference, and still does today. So although I commonly get asked about what kind of exercises and workouts I do or how much I bench or what supplements I take, it's really about how and what I eat and other little lifestyle changes here and there that have more of an impact on my overall health.

If you already know the stuff I'm about to share - awesome. If you disagree - cool. Ignore me. But I know a lot of people have no clue about how to make positive changes to their health, and this is for them. I've read dozens of magazines, books, websites, blogs and scientific studies. I've played sports and worked with athletes, coaches and personal trainers. I've been injured and consulted with doctors and gone through physical therapy. I've taken each and every opportunity presented to me to learn about human physiology and anatomy, and the knowledge I believe to be true is based on years of experience and a genuine love of sport and fitness.

So without further delay and not due to popular request (nor anyone's request for that matter), I hereby present to you in no particular order of importance.......

Brian's Top Tips For General Health

Drink a big glass of water first thing when you wake up in the morning.
You'd have to be living under a rock to not know that drinking a lot of water and staying hydrated is a good thing for your metabolism. Everyone should try to drink a lot more during the day than they do now. So ponder this - would you go the entire 8 or so hours you're at work without drinking anything? Of course not. The same concept goes for when you're sleeping - you wake up dehydrated and a big glass of water jump starts your metabolism. Aim for at least 16 ounces. Then later:

Eat Breakfast
Studies show that people who skip breakfast are 450% more likely to be overweight!! I didn't make that shit up! Eat something for breakfast!

You can't out-train a bad diet.
Unless you have an intense workout regimen, you will not be able to compensate for a shitty diet enough to get that six pack. If you truly want to lose more weight and become fitter, put more effort into getting your eating habits right before wasting too much time trying to figure out which workout to try.

Take a high-quality multivitamin.
Pretty much nobody gets adequate amounts of necessary nutrients from their diets. Because of that, you're likely deficient in several vitamins and minerals and might never know it until a serious health issue arises. Find a high-quality multivitamin and take it daily. You might still be deficient in specific things, but this will greatly decrease your chances of it being serious.

When you get sick, immediately stop eating sugary foods.
When scientists need to study bacteria and yeast, they grow them in petri dishes containing agar, which is a polymer made up of sugar. Think about that for a minute. Here's more to read if you don't believe me.

Sleep
Get at least 7-8 hours per night. Don't listen to this BS "some people don't need as much sleep as others." That is crap. Sleep isn't just so you have enough energy to get through the next day, it's to help your body recover and rebuild.

Stop Making Excuses
Excuses are for people who just don't have enough desire. There's always going to be mornings you wake up tired. There's always going to be days you have a cold or feel sore or a little hungover. There's always going to be an easy reason to not get any exercise. There's always going to be unhealthy food closer at hand than healthy food. There is ALWAYS something to use an excuse as to why you can't do something positive for your health. Stop making excuses, and you'll realize you have more time and opportunity than you think for some exercise or a healthier meal.

Make It A Habit
Another one to thank my Mom for. There's been a lot of times I'll tell her how I decided to start/stop eating a certain food and she'll comment "Oh, Brian's on a health kick again." This prompted me to let her know that its not a diet, its not a kick, its not a fad - its a lifestyle. The word diet implies some temporary strategy, and you don't want temporary, you want permanent. Think of your eating habit as a diet, and it will eventually fail. Studies show its takes 21 days to make a habit. Stick it though those 21 days and it becomes much easier to continue the healthy changes you've made since they'll become part of your daily ritual and lifestyle.

When it comes down to it, wanting to be healthier or fitter - or wanting anything in life, for that matter - requires only a strong enough desire. Once you can harness that desire within yourself, you will easily seek out the necessary knowledge and be well on your way to achieving your goals.

Enable your will power to become your true friend....................or it the lack of it will remain the enemy that stands between you and your accomplishments.

Good luck!

Beacon

2011-05-06T10:50:00.005-04:00

And now, I'm ready to sail out into the dark.

But, the light in your eyes...........

the light in your eyes could lead a fleet of ships to safety in a storm.

And I navigate through the waves of your wrong decisions and pointless loves, guided by those eyes that always bring me back - crashing against the shores of your heart.

Awkward introductions, like a lonely vessel sailing through the unknown seas of your body.......

a body that I silently wish to be all mine, and mine alone.

And yet, each night the sea grows calm once again, and I venture out into the dark.

But I secretly hope to see your face in the stars calling me back to you.

As my heart yearns for the direction to return to your arms, where I feel a warmth as safe as home.

When It's Silent Enough to Listen

2011-03-21T01:38:00.004-04:00

For some reason, Sunday nights make me emotional.

There's nothing specific about the day itself, but the situation I commonly find myself in during these late hours at the end of the weekend just does something to me. Possibly because it's a combination of sadness that the weekend is over and bittersweet nostalgia brought on by being alone with my thoughts (and a glass of wine).

So tonight I find myself sitting at home spreading my attention between writing a blog post, doing my resume, and watching How I Met Your Mother. (one of my favorite shows ever, BTW)

I've always had a disposition founded on a sense of emotionality that is very sensitive yet strong.
I commonly get teary-eyed at the stupidest of things, but I also very easily can keep my composure in the saddest and most intense of situations. And tonight, alone on my couch, I ponder my life and future with such deep conviction that my eyes well up with every passing keystroke and sip of wine.

My optimism is not lost.
My mood - only briefly low.
But right now - at least for tonight - I welcome my heart back to center stage and open my mind to hear all it has to share.

It tells me I love life.
It tells me I love children.
It tells me I adore all the beautiful people I'm so fortunate enough to have close to me.
It tells me that I've been far from perfect in all my living years, yet the pain of regret and consequence is one best embraced and learned from.

Of all it tells me, I listen most to what it says of my future.
For though there is no set path to finding all my heart desires, it knows the direction I must travel and helps guide me along the way.

This allows me to know that as long I continue to keep my mind's ear close to my heart, my road to happiness will be one I will have no trouble following.

Another Year Older, Another Year Wiser

2011-03-04T10:17:00.004-05:00

Yup. Tuesday was just another one.

Another one of those days when US law requires I add 1 to the count of the number of years since my birth.

That date when the futile human desire to keep track of time combines with our idiotic yearning to quantify our lives.

You can deny the significance of the number all you want, but it's effect will not diminish.

The big X0 birthdays may carry more significance, but all the ones in between still seem like creaky, old, wooden steps in our staircase to each milestone.

Much more important than dwelling on your numerical age, is contemplating how much wisdom you've gathered up until this point. Becoming smarter through experience is not always correlative to someone's age or level of maturity. In fact, wisdom is more a question of character and will power.

There's many lessons to learn from in life, but what will you do with the knowledge you obtain when you've completed those lessons?

The industry of "self help" guides and motivational speakers and books is so huge because people are too focused on petty, meaningless issues and commonly fail to fully utilize the knowledge they get from life just by living it.

Learning a lesson and becoming smarter and wiser from the experience means absolutely nothing when no action is taken upon that enlightenment.

You see, in life, lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. Knowing is not enough! You must take action.
~Tony Robbins

Thinking leads to action. Knowledge without action is useless and irrelevant. Knowledge with action, converts adversity into prosperity.
~Abdul Kalam

One of the most poignant examples of enlightenment gained through life experience is someone saying,

"If I only knew then what I know now."

Well if we could go back in time and educate ourselves, how would you convince your past self to act on the knowledge you're now imparting on them?

Will only the shock of seeing yourself make them realize it's their duty to follow the guidance you've given them?

Every lesson learned in life, every test failed or relationship broken, every love lost, every regret harbored.............. it all helps to feed our minds and hearts with the essential knowledge we need to find happiness. Where most of us commonly lose traction on this journey is when we idly wait around for some fantastic sign - a burning bush, the voice of God, a time-travelling version of ourselves - instead of decisively taking action on what we already know from experience.

Some of the best lessons learned in life are those that required us to take great risks. If you can do so, and gain valuable insight into who you are and what makes you happy, do not do yourself a grave injustice by not acting upon it with that wisdom as your guide.

There is no doubt that there is great fun in the journey to happiness, but hey - who says there isn't a wild party waiting for you at the destination? So why not help yourself to get there sooner?

And Now, I Live

2011-02-03T11:51:00.004-05:00

Like a feather in the wind,

riding on the breeze,

I've lived aloft

up in the air

floating wherever fate may please.

And like the water in the curb,

trickling down the hill,

I've flowed through life

with fleeting days and nights

drifting alongside free will.

And like the train upon the tracks,

coasting down the rails,

I could only sit and ride

watching time fly by

never feeling the wind in my own sails.

But now the sun has risen,

now I look to the sky,

not flowing through life

now life flows through me

as I kiss the mundane goodbye.

My days, now steps, to unknown success,

be it spirit or love or fame.

With vigor I wake

each morning then take

a deep breath as I embark on my day.

I shall follow my will and pursue my dreams,

while exploring the path my heart leads.

And while I know not my fate,

my journey no abate,

as I know I can only succeed.

-Brian Stinga, 10/10

To The New Year and Beyond

2011-01-06T11:18:00.000-05:00

Once again, I find myself pondering the passing of another set of 365 days and how I spent them.
For some odd reason, I've always been very introspective and retrospective when it came to time.
In high school, in college, at random milestones that I'd encounter or make up in my mind............I'd consciously stop and try to fathom how much time had passed and how everything since then had brought me to the spot I was at that point. I'd pause to reflect on my memories of anything and everything that I could dig up from the back of my mind. It's a very bittersweet thing to do because nostalgia isn't always pleasant. Something about getting older and the passing of time and realizing that all those fun/happy things from the past are forever gone and unattainable is just plain depressing.
UGH!!
That's what I get for listening to Radiohead while I write this!!

But depression, just like all other emotions, is a very personal and intense feeling that everyone needs to experience at some point or another. Just like death, heartache and disappointment, its an essential emotion that I believe people need to fully embrace and experience in order to become a truly well-rounded and self-aware individual. If you've never been exposed to personal hardships, you lack the important wisdom that comes with that valuable life experience. You can't speak from the heart about or fully grasp the intensity of pain and loss until you've experienced it yourself. There is no getting around it.

..........and now that I've dragged you into my little dark hole of melancholia, let me turn your face towards the light and assure you that I am still the eternal optimist. No matter where you find yourself, there is always more fun to be had, people to love and be loved by, and more life to live and look forward to. At some point - hopefully sooner than later - you'll realize that living well is not something that can be done passively.
Don't be the train stuck on the rails, just going wherever the track leads and having no say about it.
Jump off the damn tracks!!
The only person holding you back is YOU!

These barriers and restraints and responsibilities that you use as excuses to hold you back from living are only that - excuses. Don't stand in the way of your dreams, whatever they may be. And if you don't know what those dreams are yet, then now is the time to find out. All the stuff you've been putting off and been wanting to try but haven't - do it. Time will not slow down for you, so you need to get your ass moving and live the life you've always imagined. Go for it! You will never know what you can't do until you try!

As for myself, I'm going to try to live the next year and beyond with these words as my mantra, while also going for a few resolutions of my own. Without too much elaboration, let's just say I have a few creative endeavors to try my hand at, traveling to do, physical and emotional challenges to undertake, people to speak my heart and mind to, loves to discover, and more meaningless dribble to post on this blog. In addition to that, (to borrow from my post from a year ago) I still want to continue to be a better man and have it all together, in both body and mind.

I'm confident I'm fulfilling that pledge and will continue to do so as I dropkick 2011 in the face and make it my bitch..............and I hope you do the same!!

Wishing you all the very best this year and beyond.....

My Heart & My Future

2010-12-21T21:41:00.001-05:00

With all of life around me,
and stray thoughts of love still haunted,
I will embrace my heart and my future
and shelter them - undaunted.
Dusted off and polished, and ready to shine once again.
And if what they say is true,
and good things come to those who wait,
then my future, and my heart, may stay idle
until a later date.
But I will do my best,
as I always have,
to be patient,
and know that time spent waiting for love,
is not wasted,
and moments of loneliness
are not in vain.
For once I've found happiness again,
long forgotten becomes the pain.

9/27/10

In a Silent Way

2010-11-18T14:54:00.001-05:00

Even a hot flame can shiver

when a cool breeze passes,

yet it keeps burning,

keeps burning,

in a silent way.

Steady in the air,

and quiet in the mind,

you keep burning,

keep burning,

in a silent way.

Flickering,

but ever steady,

shining brightly

with inanimate diligence.

Burning,

and burning,

in a silent way.

And the heart hears loudly

what the eyes believe the flame speaks

as it keeps burning

and burning,

in a silent way.

Giving Away Memories

2010-10-26T10:37:00.001-04:00

Last week I donated four huge bags of belongings.

Four HUGE bags.

Two bags that had been slowly getting filled over the past few months, and another two bags that only took me about two weeks to fill.

And fill them I did, with years of memories from my past.

Funny thing about giving clothes and stuffed animals and other random stuff away is that its easy to feel like you're giving away a piece of yourself. Obviously, I'm not talking about some silly attachment to an old shirt, but rather the stuff you get rid of because its mere presence in your home will do nothing but spark painful memories of the people and times you associate with it.

I, for one, don't readily get rid of things that bring about powerful feelings and memories - even if they're powerfully hurtful feelings and memories.

The reason is because I tend to embrace melancholia as if it were an old friend, so a simple thing like a picture, a card, an old scarf or even an ugly coffee mug, can literally stop me in my tracks and take my mind and heart to some place a million miles away. Happy or not, I embrace it as part of what I've experienced and learned from and felt through, and I take from it everything I can, leaving nothing emotionally behind.

But sometimes we must give away.

Give away pieces of our hearts and souls, pieces of our anguish and sorrow, pieces of long-lost times of joy that we simply cannot keep because the path through our memories to get to them is littered with too much heartache. A memory, no matter how innately perfect by itself, is sometimes not worth holding onto when the painful reminders it spawns overshadow its beauty.

Like the wind crying endlessly through the universe, Time carries away the names and the deeds of conquerors and commoners alike. And all that we are, all that remains, is in the memories of those who cared we came this way for a brief moment. ~Harlan Ellison

On Humor and Companionship

2010-09-28T12:18:00.004-04:00

In looking back on my first year or so of blog entries in 2008, I realized two things:

1- I wrote mostly about people and boring happenings

and

2- I wrote with a very sarcastic, wise-ass sense of humor.

Interestingly, some of those posts were actually somewhat funny! Or at least I thought so.

And let's be honest, its not like more than maybe 2.5 people read this damn thing, so do I even CARE if anyone else thinks I'm funny??

FUCK NO!!

So now that we have THAT established, I can reveal that while I still have that cocky sense of humor and enjoy making fun of anything and everything, I've developed more of a sincere appreciation for writing about things that require a little deep thinking.

Now, that in no way means that I've banished humor from these hallowed texts. On the contrary, I appreciate humor now more than ever. At some point in life, after you've learned what real pain and loss is about, and after you've experienced massive disappointments and run the gauntlet of emotions associated with love, friendship, family, fear, hopelessness, pride and loneliness, you realize the true value of humor in life. Not as a distraction to living, but as the gentle bumpers on the road to happiness that keep you from falling in the gutter.

Once, several years ago, someone told me that I seem to act like everything is a joke.

That statement bothered me.

I understood why she said that, because I have a light-hearted and joking personality, but it irked me because as much as I want to be the person who can make you laugh, I also want to be the person who you can have a deep, personal, meaningful and insightful conversation with about anything and everything.

FYI - I believe I am that person.

In addition to humor, I've also learned about the intricacies of companionship.

This past weekend I was discussing with my friend about our current and past experiences with relationships. One theme that he touched on was companionship.

Emotionally and figuratively, having companionship is the opposite of loneliness.

I've always been a guy who's enjoyed solitude and privacy because I feel like those two things force one to discover a true sense of self through the lack of external influence - which is important. However, companionship is something that is so easy to swear off as unnecessary right up until the very moment you realize you crave it so badly.

But, just like being alone doesn't really mean you're lonely, having someone there doesn't always mean you have companionship.

I've been right next to someone I've loved yet felt incredibly lonely, and I've also felt like I've had true companionship even though there was no one else around for miles.

Sometimes the logic and emotion of love and life aren't aligned, and you find yourself baffled and hurt, and all you really want is just someone there by your side, someone just to feel close to,someone to just touch and know they're there with you and for you because they really want to be, just as you want to be there with them. If only for a day, or even just a few hours, its that physical and emotional closeness that can provide a needy soul with a much-needed dose of companionship.

And remember, whether you're in each other's arms or one of you is on earth while the other is on the moon, love and closeness know no physical distance when the heart is what bonds you together.

Listening in the Night

2010-09-06T22:12:00.030-04:00

It's dark out, and I heard him yet again.

I heard him for the first time three days ago.

As I walked out the door on my way to the car, my keen hearing picked up on a very faint but familiar sound. Walking around my building for a while to see what I could discover, the sound had ceased so I couldn't find him.

Then around 2am that night I heard him yet again.

I knew that sound very well.

It was a kitten.

A young one.

That first night I heard him outside - alone - meowing non-stop until about 7am. Several times that night I woke up, as I'm sure others did in my complex, from his constant cries. He stopped finally once the sun was up and more people were stirring about.

The second night he was back once more.

I came home late and upon getting out of my car, I heard him yet again.

This time I walked towards his crying, determined to find the little creature who sounded so pathetically lost, and finally I saw him - meowing and terrified - crouched down between a car and the curb.

I think he spotted me the same time I spotted him.

He was likely scared when he saw me, but my heart sank a little when I saw him.

He was younger than I'd hope he'd be.

Four, maybe five weeks old at best, which is not good news.

Kittens that young are barely old enough to be weaned, and the fact that this little guy is all by himself wasn't a good sign. I know cats well enough, and I knew the reality of his chances of survival.

My attempts to call him over and get any closer were foiled when his learned response to flee humans kicked in and he took off. Hiding under a car a little ways down, he once again started up his futile cries for mama, who was nowhere to be found. If I could just get close, maybe I could nab him and take him in and feed him, but he'll never let anyone get near.

Abandoned, alone, and scared.

I wonder how often people feel like that, and how often their cries for help go ignored.

Its easy to feel lost in this world. Things can so quickly be taken away from us that we're left baffled and numb with no idea what to do. Even sometimes when help might be just a few steps away, you're too terrified to let it even get close. The fear you so wish would leave you alone, is at the same time driving you farther from the help you so desperately need.

Whether you're the one feeling lost and crying out for help, or the one who hears someone else's cries, you need to have the strength and compassion to embrace another person for the betterment of you both. Don't accept waiting for someone else to come along, because that might never happen. It's up to you to be the important difference.

"We cannot hold a torch to light another's path without brightening our own."

~Ben Sweetland

His constant crying did bother me, as I'm sure it did everyone else who heard it throughout the night. It made it difficult to sleep not only for the mere annoyance of it, but for the realization of what it meant.

But now, tonight, I stand on my balcony listening anxiously, and hear only the normal sounds of the night............................

..........and that bothers me even more.

A Li'l Freestyle....

2010-08-10T20:52:00.010-04:00

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, I don't make a habit of writing raps, but after seeing some scrubs at an open mic night a few weeks ago, I felt like having some fun. Don't read too much into it.

There must be some kind of .....disillusion

when you're desperate for answers but can't find any solutions.

Like if you just go out tonight and find yourself at an open-mic,

you expect some amateurs who just can't do NOTHING right.

Throwing words together like random shit in a cake batter,

But this stage ain't your bakery and your skills are a mockery.

I shoot holes in your style like swiss cheese,

And do it take me a while? Nigga please!

Your rhymes are so porous

your wack lyrics just bore us

So just take your ass back home and throw out that thesaurus.

Its back to the drawing board for you, son.

You can't talk thug 'til you held a REAL gun.

Your pistol don't count when all it shoots is water,

And callin you out is like lambs to the slaughter,

Cuz the only bitches you popped was your slut neighbor's daughter.

Oh snap! Did I hit a nerve?

My words are like fastballs and I just threw you a curve.

Swing all you want but you can't hit back,

I got you lookin stupid like cheese without the mac.

But its all good, I'ma go easy tonight.

you done a good enough job of makin yourself look white.

So let me put you outta your misery

as I fulfill your girl's fantasy,

cuz I'm a true thug spitting lyrically,

like you only hope one day to be.

Escaping Blindness

2010-07-08T20:38:00.002-04:00

"A man needs something he can hold onto
A nine pound hammer or a woman like you
Either one of them things will do"
-Jolene by Ray LaMontagne

It's been a mere seven short months since I wrote my post about being a better man in 2010.

I can say with confidence that while I've made great progress in certain aspects, I still don't quite have everything "together" that I'd like to. Granted, my idea of having things "together" is probably more complex than others. I'm not oblivious to the fact that I have a pretty good life and not much to complain about. I'm very thankful for that, and don't at all take it for granted. Yet, there are issues I deal with that may very well be self-induced, but they exist nonetheless, and I'm trying to find my way through them.

Having said that, I can't express enough how much of a learning experience this past year has been for me.

I've gained an incredible amount of insight into the person I was, the person I am, and the person I want to be.

I've learned more unique life lessons in this past year or so than at any other point in my adult life. There's been some very emotionally-draining days where I had powerful moments of insight that will stay with me forever.

"God is not always silent, and man is not always blind. In every man's life there are moments when there is a lifting of the veil... But such experiences are rare events. To some people they are like shooting stars, passing and unremembered. In others they kindle a light that is never quenched."
~Abraham Joshua Heschel

Now I admit that not only am I pretty private, but I have just as much - if not more - pride than the average guy, and rarely do I share my personal issues openly.
I'm not the "FML!" kind of person looking for sympathy, and I despise attention whores.
I'm more the suffer in silence kind of person who chooses to fight his own battles solo while staying out of the spotlight.

But yet I still find myself at a crossroads (for lack of a better word) that I'm just trying to find my way through.

There's a few things I've learned along the way that I strongly believe in..........

It's OK to ask for help. It doesn't mean you're crazy or pathetic, it just means you're looking for others' input to help you find your own answers. There is a clear distinction between a sad, pathetic, whiner who always craves attention, and someone who just could use a little input right now. I hate whiners, so as long as you're not being one, its more than OK to open the doors of communication to help find some guidance.

It's not OK to be pessimistic or cynical. I can be a wise-ass. I readily admit that. I make jokes and comments about people and things sucking because I find it humorous. But I don't readily believe life is like that. For the most part, I've always been and continue to be balancing on a healthy line between realism and optimism, with a tendency to lean towards optimism. Good things will happen if you make yourself smile and believe that they will. There is always something worse that could be happening and someone out there with a life that is a thousand times shittier than yours. So suck it up, realize how good you actually have it, and continue to know that positive experiences will come your way eventually.

Write. You don't have to be a poet, an English major, or well-read in Medieval literature in order to write. I'm not talking about sonnets, or screenplays, or Pulitzer Prize winning pieces. I'm just talking about the physical act of writing ideas, thoughts, feelings, concepts or problems down on a piece of paper. I don't care who you are, sometimes you have so many things bouncing around in your head that it's impossible to keep track of everything. Even if you just write a list to help you visualize things, it will help. If you want to write something creative, it could be a much-needed artistic release. Just do it. Not only will it help, but it could even end up being something you're proud of - like a post on your blog that nobody reads but you keep writing it anyway.

Scribblings......

2010-06-01T18:59:00.001-04:00

I wish I had a pair of goggles,
through wish I'd view the world,
in a different light,
beyond my sight,
people's secrets - to me - unfurled.

What Baseball Means to Me

2010-05-04T21:04:00.008-04:00

It doesn't take a long time of knowing me to know that I love baseball.

I'm a die-hard Yankees fan, but above that, I'm an all-around fan of the sport itself.
I love watching any game - from Little League up through the Majors.

I played 3 years in Pony League, 4 years in Little League, 3 in Babe Ruth, all 4 years in High School, 3 years of American Legion and another 3 years of amateur ball after college, and if I didn't have a job with such a restrictive schedule and chronic tendinitis in my throwing shoulder, I'd be playing still now.

So last night when a friend asked me this question: "So what does baseball mean to you?" it stirred up some emotion for me. Aside from this being one of my all-time favorite books EVER, it's also something that I could go on explaining for hours.

But here was my short and sweet reply:
"It means the smell of freshly cut grass on a Sunday morning. It means being on a team with a bunch of cool guys and working together to win while also having a fun time. It means being nervous as hell when you're up at bat with 2 outs and everyone is relying on you, and it means feeling on top of the world when you make perfect contact with a well-pitched ball and hit that sucker far over the outfielder's head.
It means both good and bad memories of my childhood and middle and high school. It means running the bases until you want to pass out because Coach made you. It means getting sunburn on your forearms and nose and getting a "strawberry" on your thigh because you slid without wearing your sliding pants.
It means the start of Summer and the end of Winter. It means playing a double-header that takes all day long and coming home exhausted, but you don't mind one bit because it was baseball."

Baseball, for me, is a comforting feeling of nostalgia that never gets old or fades.
If anything, my fondness for it gets renewed every Spring.

Excerpts from the late Ernie Harwell's famous essay seems to sum it up best:
"It's America, this baseball. A re-issued newsreel of boyhood dreams. Dreams lost somewhere between boy and man. In baseball, democracy shines its clearest. Here the only race that matters is the race to the bag. The creed is the rule book. Color is something to distinguish one team's uniform from another. Baseball is ballet without music. Drama without words. A carnival without kewpie dolls. Baseball? It's just a game -- as simple as a ball and a bat. Yet, as complex as the American spirit it symbolizes. "

It's a part of my childhood and a part of my being, and I'll forever be one of the boys of Summer.

Untold Story

2010-04-02T18:42:00.000-04:00

(Wrote this a few years back. Thought maybe I'd share it)

Excited to be invited
to a magical place,
I wander with curiosity
from space to space,
from room to room
in a well-known house
that I've never seen
yet have been to before.
Although it's not real
I'm compelled to explore,
taking my time,
walking slowly throughout,
my joy slowly fades
as I see through the haze,
clouding my eyes and
blurring my mind,
that today in this house
there's something amiss,
making me nervous
to be discovering this.
The hallways are silent,
each room left empty,
as I peek through the doorways
endlessly searching
for answers to questions
that now have me confused and
bringing me sadness;
no longer amused.
I step into the kitchen
lights - a cool white;
sensing the happiness that
lived here before.
To the back,
by the door,
there's a pair of nice shoes that
were worn with devotion
but shall never again
be used with emotion
and will sadly remain,
from what I can see,
fossils of joy
from a now dead dream.
Overshadowed by pictures on the
now barren walls,
more discoveries of what was
a home, but no longer.
My attention now shifts
to a mother, a father,
with children around
that I wish could still be -
for one moment more -
alive, and not driven
off in the distance
now saying goodbye.
I refuse to wave
as I watch them go on
into the sky
with nothing but dreams,
all left behind.
And is if from a dream,
I awaken from sleep,
with one lonely tear
alive on my cheek.
My eyes closed in sorrow,
as the sadder I grow,
knowing here died a story
the world will never know.
A tale so sad,
so hard to remember.
In a dream it will stay,
untold forever.

Quiet Winter Night

2010-03-08T14:43:00.000-05:00

When the cold hits your face,
when the glow of the soft, twinkling lights compel your eyes to stare,
and the distant sounds of traffic soothe some melancholy mood,
Loneliness becomes a companion
who conjures up remembered feelings of warmth from nights long passed.
Time - for this moment - spiteful and biting - is a soreness that pains a contemplating mind.
Even darkness, and the night, seem kinder when sweet dreams and fond memories cry out to be left behind.

Gods and Ghosts

2010-02-25T21:22:00.010-05:00

I remember the first time I had a real debate about religion.

I was in high school and was home, online, in an AOL chat room with some of my friends - one of whom was a devout Baptist.

I remember feeling rather strongly about arguing for logic and science and what I believed to be common sense, while he was more focused on his beliefs that were acquired through years of church activities and religious teachings.

I stood by my seemingly bullet-proof claim that the Bible and stories of Jesus and the like were all just extravagant tales written by men who had no connection to God. I distinctly recall saying how aliens from another planet could've landed here thousands of years ago and planted these beliefs, and there's just as much "proof" to support that happening as there is to support the elaborate stories of Jesus found in the Bible.

Fast forward a little over a decade later and I still have pretty much the same view on the topic.
(I have a love of logic. So sue me!)

Movies such as this one below further that belief:

Though not 100% accurate, Zeitgeist shows what I believe to be much more of a factual explanation of the origins of Jesus and Christianity.

However, it's only in recent years that I've come to the enlightened conclusion that arguing about the accuracy of religion by using logic is utterly pointless.
No one can ever truly prove or disprove the stories in the Bible or the Koran or the Torah, etc.

But, not only is an argument about the validity of these stories one you can't win, but it's also one that isn't really worth having at all.

Let's be realistic - The whole reason for the existence of religion is to give people some sense of hope and purpose in their lives.

It's goals are to teach goodness, which will ideally lead to happy people in happy societies. So in the end, any reasonable person will realize that nobody wants to be the one to try and discredit anything meant to spread happiness and goodness.

So whether you can put your faith in these ideals or not, it's purpose is what's really important.

Similarly, I've also adopted a deeper understanding of the concept of ghosts.
Since I love logic, you can probably understand that I am skeptical of the notion of spirits and hauntings, etc. I can't watch any of the Ghost Hunter shows without thinking that anyone who claims to "experience" something is just another person who has succumbed to the power of suggestion.

But after thinking about it, the real answer seems almost too obvious:
People believe in God for the same reason they believe in ghosts -- the prospect of something after death!

What a great relief it must be to believe that we aren't just clumps of cells that live and die and decompose in a mundane scientific cycle, but instead, we are all unique souls that live on in a beautiful world that we can never truly explain or understand.

May God bless you all.

Live the Moment

2010-02-12T17:18:00.002-05:00

I thought about death.

I thought about losing someone close to me.

I thought about something unexpected happening that dramatically changed my life forever, and wondered how I’d feel and how I’d react.

I stopped and tried to envision how my outlook of life would change and what paths I’d choose to go down afterward.

The only problem with thinking so deeply like that about the future, is that it inevitably brings you back to thinking about the present and where you stand at this moment.

It's cliché, but life is short.

A long, hard look at the bigger picture almost always enlightens you to the fact that there's no good reason to sit around and wait for what you want to come to you.

You can't wait for life to come knocking at your door or just fall into your lap.

Living well is not something you can do passively.

Let that be your mantra and I sincerely believe amazing things will happen.

"You'll seldom experience regret for anything that you've done. It is what you haven't done that will torment you. The message, therefore, is clear. Do it! Develop an appreciation for the present moment. Seize every second of your life and savor it!"
--Wayne Dyer

RIP Rik T.

Who Are you?

2010-02-04T20:57:00.002-05:00

It's February.

If you had any New Year's resolutions and managed to keep them 'til now, GOOD JOB.

Research shows that it takes 21 days/times to make something a habit.
So if you've made it this far, DON'T FUCK IT UP!!!
:-)

So here we are - a little over a month into 2010 and what have I got to show for it?

Well, I did spend a week in Puerto Rico, trekking through the rain forest, touring the Bacardi distillery and exploring Old San Juan.

I'm also getting over a really rad strep throat.
AWESOME!!

But I'm a man focused on progress this year, and like my last post made clear, becoming a better person should be a consistent, never-ending battle in many aspects.

....such as fitness.

Here is a blog post from one of my favorite training authorities.

My favorite quote from it: "If you are too stupid to realize that regular exercise and a healthy diet is a necessary part of life I’m not going to waste my time telling you. Get on some prescription drugs, order a sausage pizza and watch another episode of Friends."

YESSSSS!!
Beautifully said!

Motivation has to come from WITHIN, people!
You also have to discover your own drive and determination to achieve any kind of goals - fitness or otherwise- that you truly desire.

Like Jason says, "You either want to do something or you don't"

I have people coming to me for fitness and nutrition advice, and they seem disappointed when they ask me how they can get a six-pack or lose arm fat and I say they need to change their diet.

Not to call anyone out, but I'll never forget a certain someone who said she'd rather double her time on the treadmill than give up the 5 spoonfuls of sugar in her cereal or stop eating rice with every meal.
Well guess what............
"You either want to do something or you don't"

NOTHING worth achieving comes easily - including a healthy body.
If you ask me for advice, I will ask you what your goals are and I WILL offer you a genuine, heartfelt opinion that I think will help you.
I WILL NOT tell you about some secret, all-powerful exercise or supplement or piece of equipment that will transform your life, because none exists.

But this isn't just a fitness rant, it's a lifestyle rant.

A friend recently shared with me this NY Times article about an intense research study that revealed the power of social circles.

Your close friends, not-so-close friends, and even your friends' friends, can have a dramatic effect on whether you're happy, addicted to something, fit, overweight, etc.

If this isn't a wake-up call to reevaluate the people in your life, I don't know what is.

Hanging out with guys who drink 4-5 beers or sodas a day or eat a large bag of Doritos with their lunch will prevent you from getting that leaner body you say you want.

Likewise, accompanying your buddies on a smoke break will hurt your chances of quitting.

But spending time with that healthy friend with similar goals WILL help you dramatically!

Energy is contagious!
Use it to your advantage!

Here's hoping you may you find positive people to help you with your goals.

Best of luck.

Inspiration for 2010

2010-01-05T16:25:00.005-05:00

Everyone greets the changing of the year with different emotions and sentiments.

Some are anxious to be done with a period of time that may have brought them great pain and bad memories, while others simply try to look forward to a new year with great inspiration to pursue life goals and other important changes.

Much like birthdays, celebrations of the passing of time can occasionally bring with them bittersweet reminders of things we'd rather forget. In these cases, it's always better to make sure we make the most of these tough experiences by learning what we can from them, and then never looking back. Only by looking forward and moving onward can you continue to become a better person and obtain your goals.

While '09 definitely had it's share of good times and everlasting memories, it also held more than its share of discontent that I'd rather forget about.

So now - in a new year and new decade - I look forward to 2010 with great optimism and confidence.

One of my many goals for the year ahead is to continue my pursuit of making myself a better man.

To paraphrase something I read in a magazine recently, I want to be the ideal man for our times.
A guy who's got it all together, in both body and mind.

I will continue my journey to be both ruggedly powerful and supremely confident, and capable of taking on whatever comes out of those gates (....to borrow a line from Gladiator).

I will not just look manly and heroic, but feel and act manly and heroic.
I will show that I can be a protector, a provider, and a take-charge kind of guy with a heart.
I will continue to be the best man I'm capable of being.

As for everyone else - Whatever your goals are, I hope you have the patience, wisdom, courage, and tenacity to achieve them.

Need some motivation?
Here are some quotes from my collection that I believe hold bits of priceless wisdom.
Enjoy.

"When we are motivated by goals that have deep meaning, by dreams that need completion, by pure love that needs expressing, then we truly live life."

- Greg Anderson

"If a man does his best, what else is there?"
- General George S. Patton

"I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have."
- Thomas Jefferson

"Patience has its limits. Take it too far, and it's cowardice."
- George Jackson

"If you are clear where you are going and you take several steps in that direction every day, you eventually have to get there. So decide what you want, write it down, review it constantly, and each day do something that moves you toward those goals."
- Jack Canfield

"What you need to know about the past is that no matter what happened, it has all worked together to bring you to this moment. And this is the moment you can choose to make everything new."
- Author Unknown

"Look not mournfully into the past. It comes not back again. Wisely improve the present. It is thine. Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear."

- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"There will always be challenges that have manifested, and dreams that haven't. But they'll always pale in comparison to the number of dreams that have manifested, and challenges that haven't."

- Mike Dooley

"Do not wait for joy."

- Author Unknown

Holiday Thoughts

2009-12-28T21:45:00.003-05:00

When I started writing my Christmas cards last week, I stopped to think about what thoughts and feelings to put in each one. That then prompted me to think about what gifts I had actually gotten for everyone.

I naturally then started thinking about the amount of money I had spent overall and on each individual gift.

But I abruptly stopped myself.

These people are my family, and I shouldn't be worrying so much about my budget when it comes to people I love. I'm not hard up for cash or deep in debt, so why do I need to keep what I spend on my loved ones to a certain dollar value?

So I went out and bought some more gifts.

It felt good.

Merry Christmas

Tipping Point

2009-11-24T20:41:00.002-05:00

They say a watched pot never boils.

But what about when you ignore it?
Does it boil sooner?

Obviously, I couldn't care less about boiling pots, but the human will and the extent of a person's patience is something that has always fascinated me.

I consider it both part nature and nurture that make up one's limits of patience.

I, myself, have always been a very patient person.
As much as I've wanted certain things as badly as others, I've always been more than willing to take my time and wait....................................................................................and wait..................
and wait...................................................................

................ and wait some more when I'm trying to accomplish or hope for anything.

That doesn't mean I can't react quickly when I need to or want to, but it just means I believe certain things are worth waiting for - even if its not always easy waiting for them.

But sooner or later, everyone comes across something that they wait for and wait for but never get.

Maybe its something you can't predict,
or something you want but may just never obtain or have happen.

You tell yourself to give it time......
..........because "patience is a virtue" ................... right???

But what's your breaking point?
How much can you take?
At what point does patience become cowardice or laziness?

What will make YOUR pot boil over to action because you've waited too long?????

Escaping Dreamland

2009-10-23T17:28:00.002-04:00

In the morning I'll wake,
to greet the sun.
And if when my eyes open,
it doesn't show,
I'll await my love,
with my own anxious glow.
With patience I'll wait,
for the soft rays of light,
anticipating an invitation,
to step out from this long night.
And though I remain,
a man of quiet dignity,
I hold my hopes and fears,
close by my side,
protected from the darkness of my dreams,
that precede the morning light.
But even I know,
they can't stay safe forever,
because,
I must still sleep tonight.

Snapshot

2009-09-22T19:57:00.004-04:00

And it occurred to me then,
that a memory is just
a snapshot of a distant scene,
from a faulty camera in our mind.
And it's with that thought
that I view our love,
as a photo montage
of random shots,
some blurred,
some skewed,
yet the lens of my heart
makes them perfectly clear
when they're memories of you.

Pimpin' Ain't Easy, But Healthy Is

2009-09-02T18:18:00.013-04:00

I have no intention of making this post sound like a stupid book promotion, but fair warning - my content and information may be similar. I just don't have any hopes of making any profit off of it.
(except, of course, for the satisfaction of imagining I might be helping one of the people who accidentally stumble across my blog while searching for internet porn. One can dream......)

Anyway........
Let's discuss HEALTH, WEIGHT LOSS, and FITNESS.

If you really know me, you know I am a very healthy person in different aspects. If you ever see me eating or drinking a lot, its probably the only time that week I'm straying from my average daily diet of mostly protein shakes, salads, oatmeal and FiberOne or Kashi cereal.

But of course, in addition to how I eat, I also hit the gym on a regular basis.
You can usually find me there about 5-6 times a week either lifting weights, hitting the heavy bag, on the bike, etc.

I also do a lot of reading and research into exercises, supplements, training methods, nutrition, etc., so I think I'm pretty well-versed about the topics.

Imagine my dismay when I read this cover story from TIME magazine.
Great!!!

So not only do most overweight people not exercise already, but NOW they're going to think it's just a waste of time anyway!!

Awesome job, TIME magazine!!
Thanks for doing your part to help the obesity epidemic in America!

Now I'm not about to break-down this story and explain why it's shitty - Mens Health already did that for me.

However, I will skip all the BS and give you the information that matters, which is this:

Exercise is great for your heart and muscles and to help burn calories, but
DIET is MUCH MORE important to weight loss than exercise.

No wonder so many people stop going to the gym or give up on exercise altogether after a few months: there's an overwhelming feeling of failure when all that effort doesn't show in the mirror.

It's very naive to think that going to the gym everyday will give you the body you dream of. It's actually what you eat that will have a bigger impact on how much excess weight you're carrying around.

My advice?
Make a change -- some kind of positive change -- to your diet.

A great place to start is by cutting out the extra sugars and simple carbs.
That means water instead of soda, juice or sweetened teas.
That also means no candy.

Like sandwiches?
Skip the bagels, breads and wraps and try a croissant instead.

Add some more veggies or meat to your meal and drop the excess rice, pasta and bread.

It may not seem like much, but it's a start, and every goal worth reaching begins with a first step.

GOOD LUCK!

Life Advice

2009-07-30T19:46:00.007-04:00

I'm a young man..............at least by most standards.

I may have a few hidden gray hairs here and there, but I'm wrinkle-free, unmarried and don't have any kids. (that I know of!) :-P

Yet, I believe I've lived long enough to have truly learned some important life lessons.

Sometimes we know and believe things that may seem instinctive to us, but we take it for granted that it was usually a certain experience or interaction with a specific person who helped us to learn it.

But whatever the source, I hold these bits of knowledge very dear and rely on them to be the structure by which I build my life upon.

Even more important still, I'm always learning more vital lessons that help to reinforce my character and outlook on life.

So enough of the banter........let's begin the lesson.

Let's start with the end -- Death.

I've been unfortunate in the sense that I've had to deal with deaths slightly more often than most people I know.

Luckily nobody in my immediate family has passed, but I've lost grandparents, uncles, high school friends and others. Some of those very close to me have also lost people very close to them, so I've dealt with death on many occasions in one way or another.

There's one piece of wisdom I'd like to share when it comes to consoling someone who's lost someone they care about, and that is, don't ever try to rationalize it.

By that, I mean that what they're going through isn't like any other common problem in life that people experience. It's not a time for advice and not a time for any kind of logical explanation.

It is just a time for comfort and understanding. Period.

Don't remind them how long the person lived, or how good a life they may have had.
That does nothing.
The numbers of years, or degree to which their life was admirable does no good in consoling an ailing heart.

The best sympathy is that which provides silent consolation and sincere understanding.
Don't rationalize - just comfort.

Love them, support them, and let them know you're there for them.

No explanation required.

On a Day Like Today

2009-06-26T15:49:00.014-04:00

A lot has happened since my last post.
Wonderful things, and heart-breaking things........

I was debating about posting, and had actually almost completed, a detailed account of my Miami experience. But alas, too much other crap has happened that maybe it wasn't worth it to dedicate a whole post to.

Anyway.....
A few bachelor parties with life-long memories occurred.
Phil, Joe, Raktim, Pranav.
Montreal, AC, Montreal again, Miami.

There was plenty of strip clubs, drinking, clubbing, drinking, dancing, drinking, swimming, drinking, more strippers, more drinking, late night robbery and half-naked foot chases, police reports, and nearly missed flights.

Ahhhhhh................definitely some legendary times.

Then of course, we had some weddings for those bachelors.
Also fun times.

I'm very happy for my friends who are taking these big steps in their lives and relationships.

Not everyone is able to find someone they would want to spend the rest of their lives with, so it warms my heart to see them so happy with their loved ones.

Some people would give up anything just to fall in love once, while others may find someone special but the desire to get married isn't mutual or the relationship doesn't last for one reason or another.

......and which situation is worse?

If you had your heart set on being married with a family some day, and the person you're in love with doesn't want the same or it doesn't work out, how do you proceed?
On the other hand, what if you've never been able to find someone you really connect with and never experience a passionate relationship?

It may sound cliché, but is it really better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all??

I'm a private person, so I don't like to divulge all my personal matters, but I'd like to think on some level I can try and make the one or two people that actually read this stop and contemplate life, love and other matters in their lives for a moment. Introspection is healthy and keeps you well-grounded. People should try it more often.

Just something to ponder.............

...............or not.

Growing Pains

2009-05-28T19:58:00.009-04:00

It's hard to find someone that truly enjoys aging.

Aside from maybe the young teenager just ITCHING to be old enough to drive, or the pre-teen who can't wait to go to high school, nobody likes getting older.

Age = DEATH!!

OK - So maybe that's an exaggeration, but the truth is once you become an adult, the concept of aging brings with it just a slight tinge of sublime sadness. Nobody wants to be one step closer to death, but that's just what aging does to us.

Now don't take me as a pessimist - I'm not. On the contrary - I'm quite the optimist.
I know happy people with much to live for hardly ever dwell on getting older.

Why?

Because aside from aging just bringing us closer to death, it also brings us closer to LIFE.

As we mature and grow older - no matter our exact age - what we want in life and from life changes.

Through the events we experience and the people we interact with, our ideas of how we want to live evolve, as do what we find happiness in.

What we wanted in life just a few short years or months ago could be a distant memory compared to what we realize we now desire.

So with this realm of ever-changing possibilities comes a staunch realization that nothing in life is certain - especially what we think we want out of it.

"The only thing that is constant is change"

And with this realization, we must learn to adapt and persevere and fight for what brings us joy in life, even if it is only for a brief moment in time.

That................is living life to the fullest.

It just sometimes takes some growing up to learn that.

How Are You?

2009-05-11T17:59:00.011-04:00

How do you usually react when you greet someone you haven't seen in a while and you get the inevitable question -- "How are you?"

Personally, I hate that question.

I tend to narrow my replies to one of two answers -- OK or good.
Good is the positive answer. It implies things are going well in general.
OK is the neutral or negative answer. It implies that things are either just average or not too hot right now.

I don't feel like a negative reply is an option because then most people will start asking more questions to find out details of why you're not "good." That just leads to awkwardness if you don't want to go into specifics, etc. etc............

They are incredibly vague replies, but honestly, when someone asks you that question they don't expect a lengthy, thoughtful answer, right?
Of course not!

But does that mean you have to lie?

If I've been sick, or depressed, or been having some shitty luck or whatever, I'm not going to SAY all that when they ask.

So why is that even a standard greeting?
I hate it!!

Anyway.................

I'm ok.

Here's some stuff to make you feel good..............

Warmth of the Heart

2009-04-20T17:37:00.006-04:00

Sunlight is more of a savior than many realize.

It's nature's catalyst for rebirth and growth, and helps to rejuvenate the minds of men that have stood cold and stale during the bitter months of Winter.

It enlivens emotion and ambition, and gives optimism to weary thoughts that have stayed dormant for far too long.

At last...................Spring is here!!!
Welcome again to baseball, fishing, hiking, lounging, running and camping!

And maybe.......more writings also......

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

It's only the music,
persistent beats
lifestyle sounds,
rhythms and
musings,
outlines of other lives,
profiles of vagrant minds,
giving emotion
to the constant pulsing.
It's only imagination
giving life
and moving time,
bouncing beats
across the mind.
It's only rhythm
wandering my eyes
and enticing the sights,
conjuring thoughts
of forgotten nights.
It's only the music
that makes it right.
It's only the music
that gives me life.

The Swinging Door

2009-03-23T21:10:00.006-04:00

Sometimes in life, we make mistakes.

We do something (or DON'T do something) that we end up regretting for some time after.

Maybe it's something we didn't even realize until it comes back around to bite us in the ass.

Maybe it's something you did to someone that, years later, someone ends up doing to you.

A turning of the tables, if you will......

Regret is one of the hardest things to live with.
There's no going back, no taking it back, and no backing out of the consequences of what you did.

If you've reached the point where you at least regret something, then you've salvaged some hope because at the very least, it makes you realize what you had done, and therefore, forced you to learn from it.

If you're one of the lucky ones, the price you pay consists only of the negative memories, and nothing more.

But if you're one of the not-so-fortunate, you might get done to you what you had once done to someone else.

This is karma at its worst.

Intentional or not, regretted or not, the balance of energy has come full circle, and now it's your turn to deal with the results of someone else's actions that, quite possibly, were directly due to your own actions long ago.

Confused??????

Good.
So am I.

But no need to over analyze.
At the very least, I hope I made someone think a little deeper, if even for a few seconds.

Enough rambling............

I am READY for Spring to be here already.
I need some warmth and sunlight and green nature.

Which means I am undoubtedly excited about TROUT SEASON OPENING DAY!!

Saturday, April 11th.

Let the countdown begin..............

Birthday Blah

2009-03-06T20:42:00.002-05:00

Another year, another party...........
Well, not JUST another party. I got wayy too smashed at this party.
Like as in black-out smashed, which is why I'm not too proud of what I'm hearing I did during some of those hours that I don't remember at all.

So - no picts posted here. Sorry.

I'll admit, I'm glad everyone seemed to have a great time, but never again will I drink like that. Never again.......

Anyway, I haven't shared my writings in a while so I thought I would.

Enjoy.

-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=

To say the least,
I suffer most,
when opportunities are found,
but it's time that's lost.
Hopes fly high,
while expectations stay low,
inspiration comes,
while the emotion goes.
My imagination wanders,
yet my heart stays true.
It's the moments of strangeness
my soul always knows,
a melodic tune,
a forgotten prose.
All work and no play
can't work for everyday.
But coming full circle,
to get straight to the point,
I tip-toe a line
between black and white,
dreading the day,
and dreaming away the night.................

Paradise Lost

2009-02-23T20:24:00.011-05:00

It's a very uneasy feeling you experience when something that you were looking forward to with such eager anticipation and excitement, just blows up in your face at the last minute.

Part of my frustration is that there are very few things in this life that truly excite me.
Likewise, there's very few times in this life that I've been so utterly disappointed as I am right now.

My excitement came from the opportunity to apply for the best job in the world!

A DREAM job for me.
A tropical island.
The sun, surf, thousands of wonderful fish and other animals...........
Perhaps I just got over-excited at the opportunity for something different, even though it was seemingly unattainable from the onset. But nevertheless, I was looking forward to just a shot at applying as a once-in-a-lifetime chance that I couldn't pass up.

Either way, it's an incredible combination of some of the things I really love in this world, and I couldn't help but be excited to apply............
...and because of that, I'm all the more disappointed that I wasn't able to.

It just seemed to be one frustrating setback after another.
First, where to find a camera.

I found one to borrow, but then he needed it back.
Then I found another one through a generous friend of a friend.

So I had a plan for what I would film and how the video application would look.
It was PERFECT in my mind, and not too hard to do.

Next setback -- I couldn't get friends together to film the scenes with me.
Business trips, planning weddings, having babies...........

So that forced a change of plan.
Now, instead of filming so much, I'd just needed them to call a phone number and leave a message saying good things about me and I'd use that as audio for other stuff I'd film.

Next setback -- nobody was calling or even replying to me.
I had to contact people again BEGGING to please call.
It came down to 2 days before the video was due and only 1 person had called.
This is really when I started feeling the tinge of disappointment.

Are they busy?
Are they not taking me seriously?
Do they just not care?
I wasn't sure what to think.

Finally, on Saturday, after reminding people, I had a handful of messages to work with and had filmed what I needed.
More setbacks Saturday night meant no real editing until Sunday.

Sunday I finally get to edit the video after a crash course in iMovie and GarageBand.
By this point, I'm frustrated but getting it done, and I reached the point where I just wanted to get it finished and submitted.

Then.....
I go to the website to submit it and.............
SUBMISSIONS ARE CLOSED!!!

The deadline was midnight on the 22nd........................... in UTC time!!!!

I missed it by 45 minutes!!!

Heart-broken.
Disappointed.
Embarrassed.

The only thing that bothered me more than settling for a video I wasn't very proud of was knowing that after all was said and done, I really only have myself to blame for everything.
I should have never let myself get that excited.
I should have never allowed myself to rely on anyone else to help me.
I should have done stuff a lot earlier.

Enough.
It's done with.

Here's what I ended up with if anyone cares........

Drones

2009-02-13T17:38:00.005-05:00

back and forth
left to right
sands of time
twist and wind
like a clock
tick and tock
everyday
fades away
wall to wall
in a cage
same old game
everyday
round and round
world of play
bound in chains
dying dreams
fading day
after day
so much life
fades away
born in hope
dead in time
trapped in maze
rats and minds
none are free
reality
sets in slow
seems to grow
dreams like waves
swept away
crumbling soul
shattered hope
day to day
try to cope
looking close
they're all drones
in disguise
made with bones
bloodshot eyes
little kids
boys and girls
hide behind
adult world
killing time
just like day
after day
fading dreams
fade away
like our minds
turn to stone
dying dreams
living drones

Doing it My Way

2009-02-03T17:51:00.004-05:00

Keeping it short but sweet this post.

Work, life, love, weather, etc., all taking up time.

(ok probably not THAT much, but still.....)

I'm a big fan of Frank Sinatra, and also a big fan of Bono.
Did you know he's the only person to ever be nominated for an Academy Award, Golden Globe, Grammy, and Nobel Peace Prize??

So it's very cool to read this editorial from Bono regarding the current times and new year and how 'Old Blue Eyes' can help us relate to it.

And if you haven't recently, go listen to some classic Sinatra.
It'll do your soul good.

Welcome To My Island

2009-01-13T21:58:00.014-05:00

Mention the words "paradise" or "tropical" and most people tend to immediately think of some deserted island, with powdery white sand and crystal blue water, and nothing on the horizon but a giant orange sun and the reflection of waves as they bounce off in the distance.

I imagine myself in a beach chair made of native wood, sipping a Corona or a margarita under the cool shade of a giant palm tree and a coconut falling on my head.

(maybe not the coconut part....)

ahhh..

Back to reality!!

I've found myself lacking a lot of motivation as of late.
Besides working out and going to the gym, and maybe my writing, I've come to realize that I don't have much motivation when it comes to any other aspect of my life - especially my career.
Don't get me wrong, I'm very fortunate and thankful for my current position, but does it bring me a sense of accomplishment?
No.

Do I have any passion for what I do?
Unfortunately, yet again, no.

I don't despise it, but I can't deny the urge to start, well, LIVING a little more of the life I envision in my mind.

For a guy with such an active imagination, this may be a challenge, but I can't help it! Be it a selfish notion or not, I see myself doing something remarkable and admirable. Whether it's something that makes me famous, or rich, or loved the world over, there's just something ELSE I need to do some day...............so why not make that day come sooner rather than later????

Having said that, I have decided to apply for the best job in the world.

I can't quite explain the new sense of excitement I've had since Flor sent me that link this morning.

It's not just an escape - I LOVE nature and the ocean!

Anyone who knows anything about me knows I love fishing and camping and hiking and bugs and being outdoors for any an all reasons. Boating, crabbing, lobstering, kayaking, rock-climbing, trail-running, snorkeling................I'm there!

Could this be something I was meant to do???

We'll see.............

I'll be accepting any ideas for the video application I have to send in.
Can you think of something I should say or show?
Let me know!!

..............and if I by some chance make it, you're invited for a drink and a naked romp around my island!

Link:

Doing Fine in '09

2009-01-06T18:44:00.016-05:00

2008 was a year that seemed so much longer than it actually was.

A lot happened.

Engagements, weddings, babies, deaths.........

It was a year of firsts,
a year of accomplishments,
a year of regrets,
and a year of hard work.

As I look back on it, the optimist in me can't help but think it was a positive year.

I wouldn't say I'm lucky, but on the whole, things went well for me.
Although, most people who know me would totally disagree and say that I am indeed lucky.
Oddly enough, when it comes to something totally random like a scratch-off lottery ticket, I tend to win more times than not, while others don't.
Then there's gambling, but my game is blackjack and I think that requires just enough skill to say that you can't entirely rely on luck alone in order to be a winner.

(Then again, I did lose a nice chunk of change on New Years Eve in AC with all the 13s and 14s I was getting, and all the 20s and blackjacks the dealer was getting)

BUT, as this editorial can attest, luck is likely just a state of mind combined with the amount of tension you feel.

For a person like me who is usually mellow, this may just explain it.

I don't have any real resolutions this year - other than to keep up with the fitness regimen I've been on the past few weeks, and to pursue more enriching activities to fill my time with.

Career-wise, it's hard to give up something so stable in times like this, but the thoughts of pursuing something new are there.

Perhaps a Masters degree?
A new line of work?

Can you picture me giving up my high-paying job in S0Ho and becoming a Personal Trainer in San Diego or a Nature Survivalist in Colorado??? (seriously...........can you?)

I, as well as others I'm close to, are beginning to rethink what makes us happy in life - friends, family, career, ambitions, etc., and attempt to move in the direction of a more fulfilling existence.

Some have referred to it as a "quarter-life crisis."
While that does accurately describe it to a degree, it's hard to sum up all the doubts and anxieties in one little stupid catch phrase.

Either way, I look forward to 2009 with the same optimism I brought from 2008, and I wish the best out of life for all those I care for as well as myself.

And of course, it's always necessary to keep one's sense of humor......

Oh Hai!

2008-12-09T22:02:00.005-05:00

Well hello there, my dear friend.

'Tis indeed been a while since I've stopped by for a visit.

Days and weeks have passed, and also has time and memories come and gone.

Thanksgiving was sweet and hearty; full of smiles and laughs and the warmth of family.
Weekends were spent divulging in reckless dancing and drinking and enjoying the company of friends.

Tedious nights spent working, along with enlightening hours of conversation; all spent in the same room on the same days.

The same miles covered by train rides with the comforting sounds of music to relax me to sleep, and, to provide daily doses of forced reflections upon an always optimistic yet melancholy soul.

Giant trees carried and decorated for Christmas, twinkling lights hung, and candles dispersed and lit to create the perfect holiday sanctuary in the comfort of my own home.

Heartfelt conversations.

Fits of secret jealousy.

Days of pity as friends lost their jobs.

Minor milestones along with minor disappointments.

In all, a decent yet comparably minute span of life.

And yet, life, still it is.

Good night.

Water, Water Everywhere....

2008-11-21T20:08:00.016-05:00

I'm a Pisces, so I should naturally love water.......and for the most part, I do.

But the past two weeks have me realizing how annoying and yet necessary water can be.
The most recent event was the giant water main that broke and caused me to have no water for a day.

Just my luck that I'd try to take a shower and have the water completely stop half way through.

Oh well...

So here's the first and big story that got me feeling all this aqua annoyance......

Last weekend, I was putting in new molding in the spare room.
I'm renovating it to make it an office/guest room.

So Sunday I finish the last piece of the main baseboard and started - but didn't finish - the quarter-round.

Monday & Tuesday pass with no problem........

Wednesday morning my neighbor from downstairs comes ringing my doorbell asking if I have a leak or something in my place because he has water coming down through his ceiling!
I'm a little perplexed because I'm pretty sure I would've known if I had any leaks, but I check anyway and sure enough, all my sinks and toilets, etc. are dry. So I tell him to call the Home Owner's Association because maybe a sprinkler pipe burst or something.

SO I try to go back to sleep but I hear them downstairs making noise and cutting into the ceiling, etc., and the 30 mins later the HOA guy and a contractor come ringing my doorbell asking to check my place out. They look around a little and the guys asks, "Is this baseboard new?"

"Yeah, I was just putting it in this past weekend."

He goes into the spare room and looks at a sprinkler head up near the ceiling and follows it down to the floor and sure enough -- right in line with it is a nail I had used to put the baseboard in.

"Look. Yup. That's gotta be it. Your neighbor downstairs has a leak, so it's gotta be that nail. Why don't you come downstairs with us so you can see."

So I go down with them and sure enough, you can see the bottom part of that sprinkler pipe with a slow trickle of water coming down it. But what was worse was that the nail not only punctured the pipe but sealed the hole at the same time - resulting in a very slow leak that took 2 days for anyone to notice. This is actually worse because now the water has soaked into the beams and base flooring on my level and through the guy downstair's ceiling.

In my head I'm like "MOTHERFUCKER! You gotta be kidding me!!"

I admit that my first reaction is one of slight perplexity and annoyance, but also a few gripes.

GRIPE #1
I hadn't done anything wrong!
I was using standard nails of standard length AND it wasn't like I was blindly nailing into the wall, I was using a stud-finder and it beeped over the damn pipe - which is why I nailed there!!

GRIPE #2
The damn pipe is PVC!!

Now, this isn't just a pipe for your sink or toilet, this is a FIRE SAFETY system!!
It would seem common sense for a vital system who's sole purpose is SAFETY, to be made of something more durable than PVC plastic.

I asked the contractor if that's normal and he said it was common because PVC can expand slightly if the water inside freezes.
Makes sense, I suppose.........but C'MON!!!! REALLY??!!??
ALL the buildings I've ever been in that have sprinklers have metal pipes!
Most stores, office buildings, dorms........... my work office that I'm in right now has metal pipes!!

GRIPE #3
There is NO space between the drywall and the pipe.
Anyone even putting up a painting with a 1-inch nail could've hit that pipe.
Again - doesn't something about that seem idiotic?

So continue my story......
The guy tells me that they will be contacting the Fire Safety company to come out and repair the pipe. At this time, I get a call from my boss that I need to come into work ASAP because of some serious "stuff" going down right now...........(that is a whole 'nother post)......

Fast forward about 2 hours and the guys are there to repair the pipe.
They shut off and drain the sprinkler pipes from the ENTIRE building.
BTW - law requires them to have a Fire & Rescue truck on standby in the parking lot since now the sprinklers are turned off. (doesn't THAT reflect the vital importance of a fire safety system???)

So they bust a hole in my wall and cut and replace the pipe and the whole process takes about 3 hours since they have to put on this sealant/epoxy-type stuff and wait an hour for it to dry.

By the next day, I'm dealing with my neighbor who is actually pretty cool about it.
He knows it was a pure accident and not really due to any mistakes or negligence on my part.
Unfortunately, he couldn't stay at his place for two nights while giant fans dried everything out.

A day after that, and my insurance company sends a guy over to assess the damages.
He's really cool and says stuff like this happens all the time and to just let insurance deal with it.
But, when I ask him about building codes and some other stuff, he does say that there is a minimum distance of 5/8inch that the hole for the pipe is supposed to be from the edge of the base stud. This one was obviously less - around 1/4inch.
This gives me a good starting point and some pertinent info should I need to contest this whole debacle later....

So skip a few days and it turns out that minus my $500 deductible, my insurance comp is cutting me a check for $445.
NICE!
Also, I find out that my neighbor's claim is covered by my liability, which has $100k coverage, so at this point I'm thinking everything is good. I can do the repair work on my place myself and end up MAKING a few hundred bucks after all is said and done.........

.......NOT SO FAST............

Yesterday I have a note stuck in my door from the HOA.
Basically, they're stating the damage to the sprinkler pipes - being caused by MY renovation work - is MY responsibility to pay.
The attached invoice = $811.

FUCK!!

I should've known this wouldn't go away so easily.

I'm starting to really hate community housing..................

TBD

Let It Burn

2008-11-11T20:35:00.005-05:00

This past Thursday and Friday were Teacher Convention days, so I took the days off and Day and I decided to go up to the new MGM Grand Hotel & Casino at Foxwoods in Connecticut.

We've been to Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods a few times and I love to gamble so why not.

Wednesday night, I'm checking out the line-up of shows they have there and amidst the lame acts of Seinfeld, Wynonna and Manheim Steamroller (who is kinda somewhat cool in a lame way....) I was surprised to see that USHER was performing there Friday night!

So after much giddy excitement on Day's side, I reserved two tix for us which only cost a meager arm and leg. But, what the hell. I love his songs and I'm sure it'll be worth it.....

NOTE - Connecticut drivers SUCK ass!!!
If I had to diagnose the problem, I would have to say that:
#1 - they get scared driving in the rain
and
#2 - they don't know how to fucking drive!!

There was literally an accident almost every 10 miles and it ended up taking us over 5 hours to get there. Granted, it was raining heavily at times, but that shit happens all the time in Jersey and we don't go crashing all over the damn place.

Anyway, we get there and the place is pretty damn cool.
It is definitely smaller than most hotels and casinos, but its stylishly hip and well layed out and the rooms are very sleek and clean. The bar in the middle of the casino floor has a live DJ who was spinning really good music and everyone was friendly and it wasn't crowded.

So if you know me, you know I like to play blackjack.
.........and furthermore, I'm pretty good at it.
I may be jinxing myself here, but I tend to win more often than I lose.
For anyone considering going to a casino - blackjack really, truly has the best odds in the house.
Its the only game where your own decisions can greatly increase your odds of winning.
Anyway, long story short, I ended up winning over $400 which covered my half of the room and my concert ticket.
SWEET!!

Fast-forward to Friday night and after leaving the table where the insecure Chinese guy almost got into a fight with the old-but-trying-to-act-young guido from Jersey, we head over to the concert........................and the show is HOT.
We sat about 70 feet away or so and it was a really, really good show.
He is such a great performer and a true R&B legend in the making.

So after the show we grabbed something to eat and then decide to hit up the blackjack tables again. We're playing for a while and then I glance over to my left and here walks in Usher with his bodyguard! He stands there about five feet away from me for a few minutes scanning the area and then decides to sit at the table next to us to play some blackjack.
(for those who are wondering, it was a $25 table. Yeah I was surprised he wasn't doing it up baller style in the high rollers area too)

Anyway, you're not supposed to take picts in casinos but we managed to snap one anyway.

"Whats that? A soft 17? HIT ME!!!"

Yeah so that was pretty cool seeing him there.
His bodyguard was keeping people away and we didn't want to be those annoying fans so we just let him be............

Now for some very sad news...........

The world's ugliest dog has died of cancer.

AAHAHAHHAH!!!

So very sad, indeed............

LOL!!

(I know, I'm going to hell. I'll save you a seat because I know you laughed also!)

Halloweener

2008-10-31T21:35:00.005-04:00

I usually take pride in having an admirable costume whenever I go out for Halloween.

A few years ago I was Wolverine:

I custom-made those claws from Plexiglas from Home Depot and ordered the EXACT same Canadian military dog tag that Wolverine wore. It even took me a few weeks to grow enough facial hair for respectable sideburns.

The year before that, I was a British Rock star -- drunken accent and everything!
(pic to follow later)
I won a prize at a party and everyone was impressed with how well I got into character. Well........actually being drunk kinda helped.....

ANYway.................a last minute decision this year to go to a friend of a friend's party left me with NO time to plan. So, at the risk of my Halloween costume reputation, I was left with no choice but to SETTLE for something.

So what did I decide?

To be a fisherman.

Yes - a fisherman.

Lame, but true.

BUUUUUUUT..................after speaking with my incredibly brilliant acquaintance online, she suggested getting a beard and saying I'm .............................(drum roll)..................
HEMINGWAY!!

Still somewhat lame, but way LESS lame than just a fisherman. Especially with a cigar.

Plus, the party is in SoHo, so I'm banking on most of the attendees being Citiots who've never ventured into the real outdoors and haven't seen waders or a fishing vest or lures before.

We shall see how the evening goes.......

Well, I leave with a video I came across that I found very heart-warming.
Not something you see everyday, and not something that is even smart, but nevertheless, its nice to see. Oh.................it also gets humor points for the gay choice of music and the gayer look of the two Euro dudes.
ENJOY!!

Donnie Darko

2008-10-22T03:27:00.001-04:00

Autumn is a bittersweet time of the year.
The comfortable warmth of the Summer seems to quickly give way to chilly winds and dying trees. Sure, the foliage is beautiful and there's something cozy about wearing sweaters, and maybe football is an enjoyable distraction, but the melancholy is unavoidable for me.
The sunlight dwindles as the darkness grows, and along with it some instinctive desire inside of me to embrace a pen and paper and try to create beautiful things with words.......
So yes, I've been writing more lately........

ANYway........ in an attempt to segue into my next topic by using the notion of creativity...............

I recently saw the movie Donnie Darko for the first time.

To quote someone else who I think said it best: "Donnie Darko was a masterpiece of indie film before everyone was making them"

I enjoy the beautiful chaos that is found in a lost mind.
By trying to play on a sci-fi theme and touch on basic principles of time travel, it's actually a sweet and sorrowful story of a young man's complex mind.
If you could go back in your life and take all those hours of pain and darkness away, would you do it????

Its a mad world.............a very mad world.

"..and the dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had"

The Road

2008-10-14T20:20:00.003-04:00

I've tried to read more in the past few years.

I can't say I'm as well-versed in literature as I used to be, but I'm trying to change that. Hey, that's what real live does to you after college. In school, you're in a "collegiate" state of mind where you read and learn and focus on education...............(as well as drinking and partying)....... BUT - I've tried to read a new book every few months or so and have managed to be pretty consistent.

Just last week I finished The Road by Cormac Mccarthy.

Its a gritty story of survival for a young boy and his father in a post-apocalyptic world.
Mccarthy's style of writing is brash, to say the least. No punctuation, incomplete sentences............but that's what makes the story so much more real and full of impact.
He cajoles your imagination to envision yourself right beside the characters struggling along with them. I really enjoyed it.

I also just found out it was made into a movie last year starring Viggo Mortensen!
How did I miss that?
I guess I didn't really care since I hadn't heard of it, but I'm glad I read the book first.

My new book:
Ghost Soldiers: The Forgotten Epic Story of World War II's Most Dramatic Mission

Death Cab For Cutie

2008-10-07T20:20:00.007-04:00

This past Sunday night -- House of Blues -- Atlantic City...........

I went with Day to see Death Cab For Cutie.......LIVE

I've become a bigger fan of theirs in recent months and was pretty impressed with their live show.

The lead singer, Ben Gibbard, doesn't disappoint or leave anything behind.
Its easy to think that such eloquently beautiful vocals are somewhat digitally enhanced when you hear him sing on your MP3 player, but truth be told, he was just as good live - which was impressive and refreshing.

What a great show....

Here's a few of my favorite tunes from them:

I Like it Better When it's Wet

2008-10-01T18:33:00.014-04:00

Sexual innuendos................... gotta love 'em.

SO - quick rundown of the weekend:

Saturday was fun.

Day got us hooked up with invites to the Rutgers New Recruit tailgate with free food, etc.
Then - we got sideline passes to the game versus Morgan State.

Yeah, RU won 38-0, which is nice.
.....and don't get me wrong, I'm a die hard RU fan and have season tix that weren't cheap, but this was an OBVIOUS gimme. But even saying that, we still looked bad out there.
Teel still managed to throw an interception and our defense wasn't as dominant as it should've been against a IAA school. Which means that this weekend against West Virginia - AT West Virginia - will probably mean yet another flashback to about 8 years ago when it was normal to get trounced by 30+ points on a weekly basis.
Ugh............those memories make me cringe........

But what DIDN'T make me cringe was hanging in front of the Morgan State Marching Band! They are incredible.

(quick backstory - I went to Passaic high school and was in the marching band there and we had a rep for putting on GOOD shows which always included a "band dance." We literally all put down our instruments for a good 64 counts or so and did a dance. YES! FOR REAL!! This is unheard of in 99% of all high schools, but we were just too ghetto and proud that we showed it off with pride. The tootsie roll, salsa, whatever, the entire band of 150+ would be doing it on the field for our show, and we always rocked the house and left the fans cheering.)

Anyway, that wasn't a quick backstory, but at least an explanation of why I loved the MSU band so much. Oh......and I was in the Rutgers Marching Band also.........but lets be honest -- the music is LAME. A lot of it is the same crap we played when I was in there from 1998-2002. While MSU is playing Pussy Cat Dolls and Plies!
YEAH!!!!

SooOoOoOoOooo anywayz.......

Sunday was the wet fun!!

I went kayaking with some friends down the Delaware River.

"But B, it was pouring all day on Sunday! You went in the rain?!"

Hellz yeah we did!!

...and it was SO beautiful.
I loved it.

I highly recommend going kayaking in the rain if you get the chance.
Sure, we got soaked to the bone, but I wasn't really cold (thanks, Under Armour) and if you could only see the way rain dances delightfully on the surface of the river when its coming down, or how the birds abound flying over the water and doing dives right by us.
The cranes at the edge of the water watching us as they stalk some fish...........
ahh..........it was so relaxing and enchanting.
Sure, going on a sunny day might be nice, but going in the pouring rain is just so magical.
I'd love to go again sometime.

A Little Too Big For Fishsticks

2008-09-25T14:48:00.016-04:00

Last month I went with some family and others on a party boat off of Montauk in Long Island.
(party boat = fishing for a group of people. Not quite the 'celebration' party........)

I won't go into the debacle we experienced the night before and why we ended up sleeping in our cars in a diner parking lot, but it was well worth it for the day of fishing we had.
A little backstory -- the first mate is a coworker and friend of my sister's, so we got a nice hookup.
HAH!!
get it?
oh nevermind..........

If you don't know the Montauk bay area, its chock full of stripers (Striped Bass) and bluefish.
Bluefish are fun to catch also and don't taste bad, but striper meat is really GOOD fish meat if you've never had it. Its nice, clean, non-oily white meat and is just.......MMMMM.

So we met up with the Cap'n and first mate at the dock and set out by 6am.
The boat is the November Rain and Steve & Jill were top-notch as fisherman go, and pretty cool people too. So guys - consider this free promotion!!

Anyway, we set out, caught some bait, tried a few spots unsuccessfully, then started nailing stripers out of NOwhere! I caught the first "big" one which was a little over 30 pounds, but we caught 9 stripers and 5 blues in total, with the biggest being just over 32 pounds. If you like to fish, this was a perfect day, without a doubt.

Enough words. Here's some picts:

Beautiful weather

Oh yeah, I'm happy

With my Dad and li'l brother

My sister fighting for her dinner

Victorious!!

Dad - happy with his catch

Best fishing trip EVER

Lots o fish in that cart!!

Happy buncha fisherman!

Daydreamer

2008-09-18T18:59:00.001-04:00

Small moments of pause
throughout the day,
a few seconds
found amidst the chaotic hours,
a paralysis of body,
a stimulation of mind,
I find myself staring aimlessly
into space, from time to time
with thoughts and images dancing
around in my mind,
mixed with secretive wonders sublime,
then ending suddenly,
thrown back into reality,
finding myself sitting here in this class,
but not without a slight little grin,
knowing soon, I will see you again.

Break You Off A Li'l Somethin.........

2008-09-12T18:21:00.002-04:00

So a coworker and I just happened to be pretty bored at the same time today so we somehow got into a rap battle over IM.

If it doesn't all make sense..................too bad!
Some of it is based off of inside jokes, so you probably won't get it..........
But still, my skillz are mad, undeniably.

CK: i think hes going to do very well in the ATL
ME: oh snap that rhymed
CK: lolol
CK: they call me the great white hipe, cuz all those other rappers are like toilet paper..WIPE!
ME: yo I'm keepin it hot and throwin out sparks, cuz you just old and crusty like brown streak marks
CK: nice
CK: dont be mad when i do a drive by on your family, sprayin clips, the blood goes drip, make you turn white like mircle whip
ME: oh why you breakin out the mayo? your rhymes are just weak though, thats why ur girl sees me on the street and she's all like "hey yo!!"
CK: OMG OLOL!
CK: that was funny
ME: haha
CK: Don't be scare if you feel a little rumble , in your tiny 1 bedroom, thats just me blowin up your condo, leavin u trapped in the rubble, fuckin with me is just trouble
ME: you only blowin up in fantasy and I don't mean football, cuz with Brady done your team aint won and Crazy Ducks got NO balls
CK: that didnt rhyme
ME: haha it does if you spit it right
CK: OMG
CK: the only thing you spittin is teetheses when I knock them out with dem braceses, rockin the diamond studded grill, so ill, when there's a blackout they ask me to smile
ME: see now I know you frontin cuz your wallet full of nothin, I know you can't cop ice cuz you can't pay, cuz no lie everyone knows you work at T-Play
ME: and now your flow has died and like KFC -- you fried, and whats left is only one, and thats me - the champion
ME: what
ME: what
CK: i was AFK cuz your girl was just givin me a fabulous lay, she likes to drive my ferrari , but everytime i get her in bed she keeps on screamin "ARE"...

What's Your Outlet??

2008-09-10T18:21:00.008-04:00

I don't care who you are or what you do, everyone needs a distraction.

Something they like to do when they're not doing what they have to do.

Personally, I'm at work 45 hrs a week, and spend another 15 hrs commuting, plus on-call 24/7 every other week, which means I spend a lot of my time doing something related to work.

You know the saying.............

"All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.."

So what's your play??

I like sports.
I like playing, watching, and fantasy-playing baseball and football.
[insert joke about fantasy football here]

I like working out.
I hit the gym at least 4 times a week.
Not only is it great for releasing pent-up tension and relieving stress, but it keeps you healthy.

I like writing. (although I don't do it nearly as often as I'd like)
Usually poetry or anything creative that comes to me.

So..............what's your outlet?

Boring Updates

2008-08-26T16:00:00.007-04:00

They're updates.........

.....but they're boring.

So yes, that's what they are.

Hey!! This is a BLOG, ok?!??? Aren't I supposed to act like people actually read it and care even a slight little bit about what I'm up to????

(yeah..........you're probably right, but oh well.....)

Where to begin with the boredom????

Congrats to P for getting engaged! (A is a pretty cool chick!)

Good luck to TriniCandy for starting her own blog finally.
(She needed SOME kind of outlet to vent her frustrations besides writing morbid stories and trying to come up with ideas for new sex toys.............)

Day is starting school again on Tuesday and is NOT looking forward to her Summer ending.
But I have no sympathy for teachers. Nobody with Summers off should be complaining!!!

The Rutgers football season officially opens on Monday with their first game against Fresno State! I dished out enough moolah for 2 season tix, so you KNOW I will be there.
What should I bring to the tailgate?? Hmm.....I'm thinking maybe a shrimp ring and some 40's will suffice.......

Week #2 of my boss being gone on vacation and me having to run the whole Ops department.
Its nice to have the whole office to myself, but my workload is noticeably increased.
Though, I'm still rarely very busy.

I'm in the midst of two fantasy football drafts tonight.

I'm taking my Mom to a jazz and wine festival this weekend.
She loves jazz, and wine-tastings are always nice, so it should be fun.

So this guy who wrote "100 Things To Do Before You Die" .............died.
What humor in the irony.........

Why would a 9-yr old kid get kicked out of a Little League??
Because he's too good!
DUH!

OK......so on a more personal and introspective note, I've recently developed the urge to start writing again.

I'm not sure why, exactly.
Perhaps its the melancholy of Summer coming to an end,
or maybe its the creativity I've kept dormant for the past few years.

Whatever it is, I've decided to dust off the old works and open up my treasured leather-bound journal to explore my mind again.

I wonder what will come out....................

Drops of Black

2008-08-19T18:02:00.001-04:00

Tonight,
here,
in the dark,
is where I sit,
with my eyes wide open,
seeing more
than I would in the light......
The ray of black
shining bright in my mind,
soaking with thoughts,
the painful kind,
appearing so clearly now
as it washes my eyes,
the shadowy clouds
glaringly disguised
by an evil light
that the darkness now
banishes,
revealing the insight
and burning flashes,
that perhaps a mind,
thought full of nothing,
is brimming with something
beneath the ashes.
Though not a light
it lets me see
a previously hidden reality,
cloaked in sunshine,
but wearing a suit of black,
never witnessed
until I brought the
darkness back.
Splashed all over me,
an evil rain
falling
from an evil sky
no stars to hide
and full of sights
previously unseen.
But now the dark
reflection,
reveals my true
complexion,
dripping drops
of evil spots
soaking my soul,
with something dark
that inside me grows,
cleansing my body,
nurturing the seed,
while no one knows
what grows inside of me . . . . . . . . . .

Lobstering in Miami

2008-08-07T13:41:00.009-04:00

For the 2nd year now, I've gone down to Miami to spend some quality time with family as well as go lobster-hunting for the mini-season.

Mi tia, tio y abuela viven en Miami.
My Dad was also down there visiting for a month.

For those who haven't been following along, I'm half Cuban and that side of the family is definitely more energetic and lively, to say the least.
(my aunt is more like the Energizer bunny when it comes to dancing....just ask anyone)

So aside from obviously sharing stories and events with family I don't see that often, we have two days when private citizens can go catch lobster before the commercial companies go out and clean them all out.

A quick lesson in lobstering:
Most people don't use traps like they do with crabs.
Instead, you actually have to swim down to the ocean floor and poke them out of their hiding spots under rocks and coral heads. To do this, you use a metal rod called a "tickle stick." (Oh yes...........I know your mind is in the gutter right now.......)

Then, once you've gotten them to slooooowly walk out into the open, you ease a net over them from behind to snare them. Now here's the funny thing about lobsters...... they walk forward really, really slow. But when they feel threatened, they use their powerful tail to whip them backwards REALLY fast.
So once they're in the net, they start whipping around like crazy, trying to get away. That's when you have to grab them through the net with your gloves.

Why gloves????

Here's why:
The lobster in Miami aren't like the lobster in Maine.
These guys don't have front claws. Actually, they are called Spiny lobsters because they have really sharp spikes all over their body!

So anyway, once you can manage them out of the net, you give them a quick measure to make sure they're of legal size and then stuff them in your catch bag. (Basically a sack that has a one-way flap on it so they can't get out)

Also, for anyone wondering, we were in about 30 feet of water.
.....and no, we didn't use scuba equipment. Instead, we had an air compressor that sits in an inner tube on the top of the water with 80 ft of hose that leads to a mouthpiece that we breath out of.

So aside from catching some "bugs", you also get to see some beautiful reefs and tropical fish. I saw sea cucumbers, sea spiders and under one coral head was a 5-ft nurse shark! (she seemed a little annoyed at us pokin around her home so we decided to leave her alone.)

Ok enough words...........the rest of the story is in pictures and vids....

Sunrise over the bay as we're motoring out to our spots.

Another shot of the sunrise...........gorgeous

Speeding along

Alex and Dad gettin the gear ready

We're here! Let's go!

Rockin the dive suit.

Mi tio y Yo showing off our livewell full to the top!

Overflowin with bugs!! 48 total for the three of us.

Back at the marina, we cruised past this 9-foot alligator that just snagged a dolphin carcass from the docks.

Idiot at the marina who fucked up his truck. Even funnier?? He's going to get fined by the EPA for polluting the water! HAH! DOUCHEBAG!!

Little lizard chillin on the surface of the water in the pool.

Here, check him out in action

Mmmmmm..........it always tastes better when you know you caught it

Well.........I have some more picts and vids of dinner time in a Cuban kitchen, and if you don't know about that, then you're missing out on drinking, dancing, drum-playing, guira-scraping good times. I'll spare all the gyrating and salsaing and leave it up to your imagination........

Can't wait to go back!

The Last Lecture -- RIP Randy Pausch

2008-07-25T20:20:00.004-04:00

If you kept up with the news and current events, you surely remember Professor Randy Pausch from a few months back.

I blogged about him here.

Randy passed away this morning after a being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer almost 2 years ago. He was originally only given 3-6 months to live but surpassed those odds and turned his own tragedy into a lecture and book that still tops the best-seller lists today.

He was a source of powerful inspiration to millions of people who had the opportunity to see and hear his last lecture at Carnegie Mellon University.

RIP Professor Pausch

My New Addiction

2008-07-23T14:12:00.003-04:00

I have a lot of downtime at work most days.

While its nice to not be running around trying to fix things all the time, it's also sometimes really boring and the day just dragggggs on like a 100 yr old lady's boobs. Oh wait......no, that's saggggs.........

Anyway, I decided a while back that everyday, I'd try to do something productive during my downtime. Sometimes I research places I want to go, sometimes I proactively look for problems or ways to improve things at work, check out Mens Health and other fitness sites, look for blueprints for a deathray, etc.

Then, a few weeks ago I discovered Yahoo!Answers.

The premise is simple -- its a forum where people can ask questions about virtually any topic, and then anyone can answer them. You get points by answering questions, and even MORE points if the asker picks your answer as the BEST.

It may sound a little silly...........but I'm addicted!

Some people really have genuine problems and concerns and I like helping them.
I've already become a 'Top Contributor' in the Diet & Fitness category for answering so many questions and having my answers picked as the BEST so many times.

But its not just about helping people........
Some of the questions people ask are just HILARIOUS.

"I'm 11 yrs old and my penis is only 3 inches. Is this normal?"

"I'm 5'2" and 205 pounds. Do you think I'm fat?"

"Is there something wrong with me because I have the urge to strangle and kill every women I'm ever around?"

"I'm 12 have no boobs and used to be anorexic. Help!"

HAH!!

Either way, I end up answering my daily limit of questions everyday and so far I've answered over 600 questions. Eventually, I'll reach level 5 where I can answer *unlimited* questions a day!

Lame???!!!????

Perhaps...............

but.............I DON'T CARE!!!
:-P

OH - and if you decide to try and find me on there, you'll have to figure out my profile name.
I'm not giving it away, but look under Diet & Fitness and remember the fact that I'm half Cuban........ ;-)

Now some funny, courtesy of Candice

Bringing the Passion Back to America's Pastime

2008-07-15T15:18:00.003-04:00

If you've followed my blogs at all or know me personally, you know I love the game of baseball.

This week is All-Star week.
Tonight is the All-Star game and last night was the Home Run Derby.

For the little boy in all of us men, the All-Star game and Home Run Derby are like sitting down to a meal where they only serve dessert. Its an opportunity to feel that child-like excitement of watching players that seem larger-than-life, and the Home Run Derby last night didn't disappoint.

Josh Hamilton.

Remember the name.
If you haven't already heard it - you will soon.

I've been lucky enough to have him on my fantasy baseball team this season and I couldn't be more excited.
Well, actually I can.
And I was - last night when I got to watch him bat last in the first round.

To give you a quick summary of the home run derby - 8 of the All Stars basically get to the plate and have to hit as many home runs as possible. Its that simple. Its all about showing off your power and hitting ability to entertain the fans.

Seven of the players had already hit and Lance Berkman was leading the pack with 8 home runs.
What happened next was an astonishing showcase of raw desire and talent that was powered by an incredible story of human spirit and determination.

Josh proceeded to smash ball after ball after ball into the upper decks and bleachers of Yankee Stadium. Eventually, the crowd was chanting his name, which just powered him to keep hitting more.

He finished with a record 28 home runs in the first round of the derby -- more than 3 times any of the other competitors.

The rest of the rounds don't even matter ......(or make sense, since he ended up losing the derby) because those few minutes of excitement turned him into that iconic baseball hero that legends are made of. He was Babe Ruth, Joe DiMaggio, Lou Gehrig, Mickey Mantle, Ted Williams, Ty Cobb, Jackie Robinson. He was larger than life, and so is the story of how he got there.

After getting drafted in 1999, he started down a slippery slope of addiction to drugs and gambling that eventually got him suspended and took him out of baseball. From 2002 to 2006 he didn't play baseball at all. With the help of some family and close friends, he managed to make the most of his natural talent and fight off the demons that held him back. He eventually managed to get drafted again in 2006 and skyrocketed back into the majors in 2007. Then, this season, he has proven himself to be the rare superstar that he is by putting on a clinic of hitting and defensive power that no player before him has ever done. His first half of the season culminated last night with a performance that will forever be embedded in every baseball fan's memory for a long time to come.

Thanks, Josh!

What????

Of course I didn't forget the funny!!

I think he Can Dance

Let's Talk Logic - The Monty Hall Problem

2008-07-09T15:25:00.004-04:00

I've been spending the past two days involved in a healthy yet heated debate with some friends of mine. Its been mostly me against them...............................me against the world!!!!!!!!!!!

I've never been on any debate team or anything like that, but I do know my logic. I nearly majored in Philosophy in college and aced all my classes, so I'm aware of what makes a solid argument and how to use math and reasoning to make logical conclusions.

This problem, however, really did kick my butt and still continues to do so.

I was so absolutely, positively sure I was right.
.........and even now after reading through wikipedia and seeing that I'm proven wrong, I'm STILL not readily accepting that I am. Its just so damn counter intuitive that I can't accept it!!
...because I'm so intuitive!!

ARG!!

So the puzzle is called The Monty Hall problem.

It goes like this:

Suppose you're on a game show, and you're given the choice of three doors: Behind one door is a car; behind the others, goats. You pick a door, say No. 1, and the host, who knows what's behind the doors, opens another door, say No. 3, which has a goat. He then says to you, "Do you want to pick door No. 2?" Is it to your advantage to switch your choice?

Take a minute to ponder this and then continue reading.............
..........

......................

....................................

.................................................

...........................................................

Done?
Good.

So what's your answer?

Uh huh...........ok......................

Well here's mine, which I think is pretty straightforward:
Its a given that when you make your initial choice, your odds of picking the car are one out of 3 (1:3). Then, once the third door with the goat is opened, door #3 is no longer a viable option, and since you then have another opportunity to choose between staying or picking door #2, you have a choice of 2 options, which translates to odds of 1:2. Therefore, odds of 1:2 (or 50/50) mean that the likeliness of either door having the car are equal, so there's no benefit to picking door #2. Essentially, once the third door is eliminated, it becomes a new problem with new odds. You're now picking between 1 of 2 which is 1:2 odds.

I was uber-confident this was correct and still am trying to convince myself otherwise, but yes, apparently its wrong.

The supposed correct answer is that by switching to door #2, you give yourself 2:3 odds of getting the car, whereas sticking to door#1 keep your odds at 1:3.

I will not even attempt to explain it to you since I'm still torn and trying to disprove it myself, but if you're still curious, read the wikipedia link above and have fun trying to wrap your brain around this one.

Or, take a break and enjoy crunk Yogi:

About My Shoulder .........(Part Deux)

2008-07-03T23:39:00.010-04:00

I FINALLY got my MRI and arthrogram done today.

For those of you at home who haven't been following along, I've been dealing with shoulder problems for over 2 years now stemming from playing baseball.

Read this for the background story.

I first went to the orthopedic surgeon back in May. X-rays were taken and negative, and the MRI/arthrogram was the next step. I went ahead and scheduled one and showed up only to find they didn't do arthrograms there. Another month later and 2 more extremely annoying miscommunications and unexpected work commitments, and I was finally able to schedule the correct procedure at a place that did it on a day I didn't have to be on-call.

It started at 8am.
After some paperwork and stripping myself of anything metallic, I get taken into the X-ray room by a seemingly anorexic x-ray technician. (she was very nice and had a cute face, but looked like she weighed 90 pounds!)
Anyway, two initial exposures were taken while lying down and my shoulder in different positions. Once those looked good, the radiologist came in and introduced himself.
I gave him a brief history of why I was here and he gave me a rundown of what he was about to do. He also made me sign another waiver that if there was anything that went wrong, they weren't liable. Scared yet?? Nahhh......

So then I lay back down on the x-ray table and the tech puts this big wedge under me so I'm almost leaning on my right shoulder. They position my arm across my chest and then align the overhead imager over my shoulder. From this vantage point, I can see my reflection in the glass panel above, but more interestingly, if I look up behind me, I can see the monitor that the radiologist is looking at. I'm not sure of the technical term for it, but it looks essentially like a "live x-ray."

What he does next is a testament to the incredible medical advancements society has made in the new millenium...............
He tapes a paperclip to my shoulder.

Yes - a regular paperclip.
For a second, I'm a little puzzled, but when I glance up at the monitor it makes sense.

On the screen I can see the paperclip over the bones of my shoulder.
He adjusts it once more and I can see that the one end of the paperclip is perfectly aligned over a section of the space between my shoulder and the socket. He then uses a sharpie to mark that point so he knows where to inject.

He then swabs me with some iodine, etc. and gives me three shots of a numbing agent that I believe he said was primarily lidocaine. The shots didn't hurt that much - just like any other shot - an initial sharp prick then a slight burning sensation that only lasted a few seconds.

Next, he inserted what seemed like a very small cylinder about two inches or so in. He then attached one end of a clear tube to this cylinder and attached the other end of the tube to a big syringe filled with the contrast which was a barium sulfate solution. He then slowly injected about 10 ccs of the dye into the joint. It was during this point that I started to feel a little pressure in my shoulder, but after a few seconds, he pulled out the cynlinder and the arthrogram was complete.

After being led over to the MRI area and only waiting a few minutes, I was brought into the MRI room and once again checked for anything metallic on me. After assuring the nurse for the 10th time that I didn't have a pacemaker or work in a metal shop or have any shrapnel in me, she led me over to the machine. I had to lay down and shimmy up to get my shoulder into this support device that was supposed to keep it stable. She shoved some extra padding in the sides and top to help keep me from moving it at all. She also gave me a pillow, ear plugs and a wedge under my knees to take pressure off my back. Then, it was go time!

I'm not claustrophobic at all, but for anyone who is or may even think they might be, this next part might freak you out a bit.

The platform I was on slowly pulled me into the giant MRI cylinder headfirst. It was kind of like being loaded into a torpedo tube. The hole is only slightly larger than I am and both my sides were pressed up against the inside walls of the machine while the top was less than a foot in front of my face. At this point, I'm in up to my knees when I hear the girl start talking to me via speakers inside the tube. The rest of the procedure lasted about 25 minutes or so and was just me trying to stay perfectly still while all these bangs and buzzes and taps are going on around me. It went by relatively quickly and at one point I think I dozed off. I think I actually just fell asleep when she woke me up because it was finished. How rude!

So after changing, I asked the girl how I could get a copy of the films since my orthopedic doctor said I should. To my surprise, she told to wait a few minutes and they'd burn me a CD of the images. SWEET!!

Of course, I then went to work and popped it in and examined all these neat shots of the internal workings of my shoulder. Now, I'm definitely no expert in radiological diagnosis, but I do know that the bright white spots are the contrast dye, and if you see it anywhere else but in the space in the joint between the actual bones, then its gone into a void where there should be tendons or ligaments -- indicating that something has torn away.

When I started looking through the images, I started to get a little concerned.
I saw some noticeable white spots covering a larger area than I anticipated. Does this mean I tore my rotator cuff? Did I really do that much damage to myself over these years??

Instead of of speculating, I decided to ignore the shots with huge scary white patches and just picked the shots that showed the smaller, more likely areas of tears.
(If it turns out that the damage is more extensive than I originally thought, I'll post those images so you can see the extent of the tears)

Here's the first one:
The spot in red seems to stand out to me at not only a possible tear, but maybe bone degradation? I can't say for sure, but it does look abnormal.

This spot seems a little more prominent and likely to be a tear. You can see how it sticks out from the normal, round edge of the joint.

This is a top-down shot from above. Just like the previous one, the bright spot here just stands out as looking abnormal around the rounded edge of the joint.

So for any radiologists or orthopedic specialists who happen to stumble on my blog and see this, if you know how to read these, please drop me a comment with your input. I'd love to hear it.

For anyone else -- comments always welcomed!!

Otherwise, the next chapter to this story will hopefully come next week after my ortho doc gets to peep out these films. Then we'll know for sure.........

Irony & Sarcasm

2008-06-23T19:57:00.002-04:00

A lot of humor these days.................well, good humor at least................ has a lot of irony and sarcasm embedded in it.

Like rain on your wedding day,
Like a free ride when you've already paid,
Like good advice that you just didn't take,
.....................and 10,000 spoons when all you need is a knife.........

............and like sublimely quoting a very popular song that probably no one will actually know.....

Either way, intelligent humor takes more than a mediocre mind to be worthwhile.
Its a fact -- stupid people don't like smart humor.
Why??

Because they don't understand it!! DUH!!

Besides, research shows that sarcasm is indeed widely believed to be an evolutionary survival skill. It takes intelligence to understand sarcasm and dumb people just don't get sarcastic humor.

Anywayz - today we mourn the passing of one of the great comedic geniuses of our time -
George Carlin.

While he was capable of incredibly versatile acting, he was known for his outrageous comedy.
Anyone who knows anything about comedians knows his famous routine, "7 Words"
It was all about the 7 words that are taboo to say on public radio/TV :
shit, piss, fuck, cunt, cocksucker, motherfucker, and tits

Genius!!

This was before Richard Pryor or Eddie Murphy - both legends as well.

Oh well............either way, RIP George Carlin.

But, here's a story that even George would find beautiful irony in:

A convicted sex offender won a $57 million lottery!!!

What!??!!

YEAH!!!!!

Not only is this guy a registered sex offender, but he was also guilty of breaking and entering.

How's THAT for irony, eh?????

Kudos To Honda

2008-06-17T18:43:00.003-04:00

I drive a Honda Civic.

Not exactly a chick-magnet or something that will turn heads when I rev the gas at a stop light, but, I'm a fan of Hondas.

This is my 2nd Civic and a lot of my family and friends drive Hondas as well.
They're safe, they're reliable and resale value is fantastic.

Those reasons alone had gotten me to have a lot of respect for the company, but now I have another huge one:

Honda just rolled out their new zero-emission hydrogen car.
It runs on hydrogen and electricity and emits nothing but pure, clean H2O.

Now it seems like you always hear about car companies with hydrogen-powered cars, but Honda has officially put them into production -- with a few dozen given to people in California to test drive for a while.

I'm not trying to sound like a commercial for the company, but I'm once again very impressed by their initiative and it just makes me a bigger fan since I'm kinda into saving the environment.

I personally recycle all the paper, cardboard, glass, plastic and aluminum that I can.
I even recycle my plastic bags, and I've already replaced several of my standard lightbulbs with CFLs. I keep my AC temp a little higher, and my heat temp a little lower. I shut off lights and appliances when they're not being used, and I take mass transportation.

OK OK I know I've made my point.....................I'm no hippie, but c'mon -- we only have 1 world and we've been fucking it up for so long now that we have to start changing our ways, and thanks to Honda, there's now a realistic way to make driving a lot less of a pollutant than it currently is.

Good job, Mr. Honda!!

.....and now.........some humor....

Men's Health Urbanathlon

2008-06-09T19:57:00.002-04:00

For those wondering what my little poll is on the right...............

I'm contemplating entering the 2008 Men's Health Urbanathlon.

Its pretty much a run/obstacle course in NYC in September that is designed to really test your fitness.

The total length of the course is 8.1 miles, BUT that includes
52 stories of stairs!!

Thats right -- part of the race includes running up and then back down 52 floors worth of stairs.

Then there's also Marine hurdles, Jersey barricades, Culvert Crawls, The Wall, and hurdling over New York City taxis.

Sound like fun or what!??!?

So.......................take my little poll on the right and tell me what you think.
Its totally anonymous, so I can't see who selected what, or even who voted at all.

So do you think I should do it????????????????????

Nothing Like a Good Book

2008-06-02T17:31:00.003-04:00

Contrary to what some may think of me, I actually do try to read every once in a while.

Now when I say read, I'm excluding magazines and websites, which I'm ALWAYS reading.......

No, instead, when I say read, I mean a real solid BOOK.
YES - like one with actual paper pages.

Just this weekend, I finished reading this book:

Its one of the first books in a long time that I felt compelled to finish because of how endearing I found it to be. Its somewhat of a memoir about four men that met through their love of baseball and how the friendships they formed with each other transcended their brief careers in the sport. Ted Williams -- a legend to anyone who knows anything about baseball -- is one of the four and a centerpiece to their relationships with each other.

Yes, of course, there's a lot of baseball speak, but that just forms the basis of describing the strong bond that these guys formed and how all their vastly different personalities melded together into a beautifully touching life-story.

Anyway..........I loved it.
Thanks, Day!!

So, next on my list.......................

I've had this one lying around for a while now and never really touched it, but I seem to have found a new desire to read more, so I'm trying to make it last as long as I can.
Truman Capote supposedly went crazy after he wrote this book.
.....not surprising since its a true-to-life account of a gruesome shotgun murder of a family of 4 as told by the men who did it.
We'll see how good it really is..............................

Anyway, I figure I'd leave with something that amazed me.
You may have heard of flying fish.
They call them flying fish because they can jump out the water for long distances...
but THIS sucker is the realest flying fish I've ever seen!!
This, to me, is either a crazy fluke of evolution or a leap forward for it.
Either way, I've never seen anything like it, so enjoy!!

The All-Sport Special!!

2008-05-19T19:59:00.007-04:00

Today you are fortunate (or bored) enough to get to read my SPORTS blog!!

YAYYYYYYYYY!!!!

First, let us discuss this story about secret, underground women's basketball leagues in Saudi Arabia.

This is GREAT!
I love a heart-warming story about oppressed people rising up to go after the freedoms they know they deserve. OK.................well they don't exactly have freedom to play, but they do anyway!!......and thats AWESOME!!

Right??
Right!!

But there's not only CRaZy stuff goin on in Saudi Arabia, but also in Canada!
Did you know that they play FOOTBALL in Canada???
No!
SERIOUSLY!!!
They do!!

And I don't mean "football" like the incredibly-dumb-and-non-American way of referring to Soccer like 95% of the rest of the free world does, but I mean AMERICAN FOOTBALL....
......and by "American" I mean US Football....(cuz Canada is part of North America, but Canada isn't American................got it??)

Who woulda thunk its warm enough to raise pigs to get their skin and make footballs up in Canada, eh?? Certainly not I!

HAH!
I love Get Fuzzy.
Its one of the best comic strips out there, no doubt.

So to end this pseudo-comedic sports blog, lets scramble on over to MMA.
.....and no, I'm not stuttering while trying to talk about my Mom, I mean MMA as in Mixed Martial Arts.

Its a great sport........soon to take over boxing.
Fighters just don't box, they also wrestle and grapple as well as kick-box.
Its sooo much more exciting than boxing alone........

........ESPECIALLY when you get the rare chance to see a DOUBLE KNOCKOUT!!!!

Fitness

2008-05-13T18:12:00.007-04:00

If you know me, you know I try to lead a pretty healthy lifestyle.

I'm always conscious of what I eat and try to eat as healthy as reasonably possible.

I take off the skin, I blot my pizza, I trim the fat.
I don't add butter, or salt, I never eat french fries, I rarely eat sweets or candy, I almost never drink soda or even most juices and I drink about a gallon of water and/or tea a day.
I always eat my veggies and try to eat a lot of quality protein while also limiting my simple carbs and trying to eat more complex carbs and fiber.

I also try to work out no less than 4 times a week, if possible.

I take a variety of weight-lifting supplements, but always include a quality multi-vitamin and some Omega-3 fish oil as well as green tea.

I think I've made my point................

Anyway, I'm an avid reader of MensHealth.com and love the wealth of information and advice they have on their website. I'm always finding a new exercise to try in the gym or a recipe to try in the kitchen.

Today, I'm sharing with you a great interview with Matthew McConuaghy.
He's the relatively well-known actor who is also greatly into fitness.
His outlook towards life and being happy and healthy reveal a great amount of positive enthusiasm that I think a lot of people could learn from. His life lessons are full of great advice that can be applied to not only working out, but also to work and almost any other task you come up against, so check it out.

And of course, in my original style, I gotta finish with the funny.
Well.............at least I think its funny.........

Cats On A Treadmill

A Round of F-You's.........With a Few OMG!! Srsly!??s

2008-05-06T13:44:00.008-04:00

Well its been a while since I've posted a quality round of F-You's.

I consider that a good thing because it would probably mean I have some issues if I'm always pissed at people enough to post F-You's on a regular basis.

But, alas.....................the past 2 days have provided me with more than enough ammo......
...and because I like to be detailed, you can be sure this will be a lengthy entry.

Yesterday, shortly after getting on my train to work, we stop at the next stop - Rahway - continue about 5 minutes only to come to a complete stop. Then comes the first of many repetitive announcements:

Due to police activity ahead, all trains are being held up. We apologize for the inconvenience.

Well, thats not unusual. I figured we'd probably be on our way in 5 minutes or so.

Ten minutes later, and after seeing other trains stopped on the tracks beside ours, comes another announcement stating the obvious along with info we already knew:

Attention passengers: due to police activity ahead, all trains are being held up.

So another 20 minutes later, the driver comes out (I was in the first car) and tells us that he heard from a friend that the cops were searching for some fugitive in Newark that someone had reported seeing on the train.................and because of that, the entire NorthEast Corridor line had been shut down. Turns out the story was true, and there was a manhunt in Newark around the airport for an escaped fugitive who shot and killed a Philly cop.

Anyway, before we get to the meat of this blog, I have a few OMG!! Srsly?!?s for 2 people on the train with me.
The first is to the douchebag who went up to the conductor, looking at his watch, and asked in a frustrated tone how long we'd be held up because he had a class to get to.

HEY!!
IDIOT!!
We're in the first car and can see right through the window about 7 trains waiting in front of us!!! What the fuck do you want the conductor to do? FLY you over all the trains in front of us?????

The 2nd OMG!! Srsly?!? goes to the lady sitting right behind me who was obviously a New Yorker of Italian decent. Not to stereotype..................but.............she was a stereotypical New Yorker of Italian decent.........what can I say??? Her first round of calls to the entire family came when the train was stopped and she didn't know what was going on. Apparently, 5 minutes without talking is too long.

Her 2nd round of calls to the entire family came after she heard the news about what was really going on.

"Marie!! Oh my gawd, I just found out what happened!! Quick turn on the news! Some guy killed a cop in Philly and they saw him on the train!! Is Pauly there?!?? I'm gonna call him. Is it on the news?? Try another channel. Someone said EyeWitness news. There's like helicopters flyin around, too! You find it yet??? Go ask Petey to bring it up on his computer or something. Are they showing it??? I can't believe he's on the train. Oh my gawd I'm freakin out over here!"

Of course, all this vital information was repeated again each time she called her mom, sister, the infamous Pauly and 3 or 4 other people who needed to know all the action she was having.

OMG!! Srsly!??

Anyway.............we finally got moving and I got into work only about an hour late.

But, in typical fashion, I fool-heartedly forgot to assume that when it rains, it would pour.
So, that night after work on my ride home, 3 teenagers got on my train in Newark and went straight into the bathroom. Not quite so slick..........

Of course, 10 minutes later when the conductor came around checking tickets, he knocked on the door and got no answer. After a few knocks and still no answer, the lady sitting in front of it told him 3 kids were inside.

"Oh hell no. " he said as he whipped out keys and opened the door.

"C'mon get out. Get the hell out of of there. Lets go. Get out.
You guys got tickets??"

Now, I've seen this conductor before, and he seems like an OK guy.
But when the kids started laughing at him and ignoring him, I could see his frustration.

"Where you goin? Hey - I'm talking to you. Where you goin?"

....no answer as they continued to just look around, make noises and laugh disrespectfully.

"What the hell is wrong with yas? How you gonna sneak on the train and hide in the bathroom like a buncha low-lives???"

So, apparently now all the sudden they were listening because they took offense to him calling them names and got in his face.

"Thats it. I'm callin the cops"

So the arguing went on another minute or 2 and I think someone pushed someone and he made an announcement to hold the doors at the next stop.

So here we are pulling up to Rahway where we have to wait about 20 minutes until the cops can come and escort the kids off.

Raining hard enough yet?????
Of course not!!!!

This morning, I leave my house to go to a doctor's appointment and in the slow-motion split second I'm closing the door behind me, I realize that I don't have my keys......

...click

FUCK!!!

What to do now...........

Can't climb in the balcony - I'm on the third floor.
Everybody else who has a key is at work.
My car keys are with my house keys, so I can't even drive anywhere.
Kick the door in?? Nah, thats stupid.

Alrighty........I guess I'll call a locksmith.
So I whip out the Treo and find a locksmith right in my town.
I call them up and she says she'll dispatch someone over to my place.

"Any idea how much this is going to cost?"

"Well its $40 to have them come out, and $15 or more depending on how difficult it is to get it open"

Ok........$55............sucks, but I'll eat it up since I'm dumb enough to get myself in this situation.

Did I mention that the locksmith office was located in my town???
Yeah..........so I was just a tad perturbed that it took the damn guy an HOUR to finally come.
He did call saying he was stuck in traffic, but the office is in the same town!! C'mon!!!

Anyway, he gets there, walks up the stairs, looks at the lock and says,

"Its going to be $149 to get this open"

"Are you serious?? The girl on the phone said $40???"

"Thats just for the visit. The rest is because this is a pretty tough lock"

(For a second I take that as a compliment that I know how to pick quality locks)

"Plus, if I can't pick it, I'm gonna have to drill it"

Since I didn't really think I had too many options at that point, I gave him the go-ahead.

So he fiddles with his little kit of picks and whatnot, jabbing different things in the keyhole for a few minutes and then turns to me.

"I'm gonna have to drill it"

"Are you serious??!"

"Yup"

So of course he comes up with the drill, drills a hole, and then opens the door with a screw driver.

I go in, get my wallet and keys and pay him.

I couldn't help but just stop for a minute to think about what had just happened.

Then I realize.........

The best option would've been to just kick the damn door in myself!!!

I just paid some crook $150 to basically destroy my quality lock.

If I would've just kicked the damn door in, I still would've had my lock and would've just had to repair a wooden doorframe which would've run me only maybe $40!!

GAHHHH!!

For THAT - I give myself an OMG!! Srsly!??

BUT........

To the fugitive who killed the cop.........
To the 3 punkass teens on the train...........
and
To the ripoff locksmith..............

I give a hearty and well-deserved

F-You!!!!

So I can't end on a sour note, so here's some humor for Star Wars or James Earl Jones fans:

Baseball as Life............Learn to Play

2008-04-30T18:17:00.005-04:00

I'm a pretty big sports fan.

Mostly of baseball and football, but I appreciate and like participating in a variety of sports. I'm a pretty good bowler, I love playing volleyball, the NBA playoffs are fun to watch, as is a good hockey game. Does darts count, too???? How about competitive eating????

Anyway, people know me best as a really big NY Yankees fan.
The Yankees are the one sports team that I follow with the most dedication and loyalty.

But while its obvious I'm a huge Yanks fan, above that, I'm a huge BASEBALL fan.
I just love the sport -- playing it, watching it, discussing it, analyzing it, etc.

I may love the Yanks, but I'd love to watch any baseball game played at any level.
EVEN at Fenway!! Seriously!!!

Baseball has been such a big part of me since I was young (thanks, Dad).
The lessons learned and emotions felt by being a part of baseball team run the gamut of human experience -- making baseball, at least to me, a complete microcosm of life itself.

I'll make a confession that some people may already know: I love baseball movies.
Well...........not ALL baseball movies (ie Angels in the Outfield) but decent baseball movies.
Field of Dreams, Eight Men Out, The Rookie, The Natural..........
.....these are all considered classics to me, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't get teary-eyed at some point in most of those movies.....
Also, Baseball by Ken Burns was simply a m a z i n g.

Anyway, today I read a story about a college softball game that serves as a good example of sports relating to the human spirit.
Its not about to be turned into a Hollywood movie anytime soon, but still, a heart-warming story (at least to me). So check it out.....

.............and of course, can't complete a quality blog without some humor, right???

She Has A Boyfriend - Watch more free videos

Carpe Diem

2008-04-29T15:31:00.003-04:00

Wow............what a dry spell, huh???

Sorry the supply of blogs hasn't been keeping up with the demand.
I probably lost a reader or 2...........which for me, is like 75% of my audience.

HAH!

So here's a cool pict of my li'l bro Pat with the carp he caught when we went fishing in Passaic this past Sunday:

Thats a pretty nice 6+ pound, 22-inch Carp.
He caught it about 10 mins before we were about to leave because it was kinda chilly out.

NICE CATCH!!

..........and for anyone who's like "WTF?? Passaic?!? Where can you fish in Passaic?? There's no fish in the ghetto."

Oh how wrong you are, my friend.......
Believe me, there are not only huge carp in there, but supposedly big catfish as well.
We're going to try to catch a cat next time we go there.

"So, B.................whatchu been up to??"

Well thanks for asking!
Not too much goin on.............
Last week I got my super-sweet tax refund from Uncle Sam.
Today I got my refund from NJ.
This past Saturday I went to Ag Field Day at Rutgers and ate a bug.
This coming Saturday I finally go for an MRI on my shoulder.
Then Sunday I'm going to the Yankees game against the Mariners.
.........BLAH BLAH BLAH!!!
I don't like talking about myself...............so lets just get to the funny:

korean baby singing hey jude

Dying Advice - The Last Lecture

2008-04-17T19:09:00.003-04:00

Imagine you were told you had only a few months to live.

What would you do?
How would you handle it?

What would you want to say to your family???
Friends???
Strangers???

Moreso, how would your attitude towards life and death change?

Its a question we sometimes ponder when we see it in a movie or are sitting around BS'ing about things with friends, etc., but one professor from Carnegie Mellon University is actually living this scenario.

CMU has this lecture series called "The Last Lecture" which is for professors or other speakers to give a talk as if its the last time they'd get to, and in this case, its for real.

Professor Randy Pausch is dying of pancreatic cancer and gave a lecture that is incredibly inspirational to say the least.

You can't help but admire him for his strength and positive outlook on his situation.

I strongly encourage all to watch it:

About My Shoulder...... (Part 1)

2008-04-10T20:17:00.009-04:00

I love baseball.

I started playing when I was about 7 yrs old in Pony League, then moved onto Little League when I was 9-12, and then there was Babe Ruth League for 2 years before moving onto High School ball.

Passaic High Indians represent!!!!

So there was Freshman, then JV and finally Varsity. Also 3 years of American Legion summer ball thrown in there.

After graduating from high school, I was excited to go away to college, but had no plans of playing college ball. You see, at this point I didn't think I was realistically good enough to play at Rutgers since they were a reputable Division IA school. Not only that, they had a rigorous practice and workout regimen and I had already signed up for Marching Band (queue the laughter.......) so I didn't think I'd have time anyway when considering classes on top of that.

Fast forward 6 years later..........
I've already graduated college and working full time now.
For some reason, I just started really missing playing baseball.

I never truly had a passion for it before (even though I had always played) but now I was really eager to compete and hit and throw again. I was young, healthy, confident, and in great shape after college and was ready to test my skills once again on the diamond.
I missed the smell of the freshly cut grass, the clickety-clack of my cleats, catching, throwing, and the indescribable feeling of swinging a bat and connecting perfectly on a pitch and driving it deep into the outfield.......(and maybe out of the park!)

So after doing some research online, I found an amateur league in north Jersey, made some phone calls and joined a team.

Welcome to the Newark Cubs.

Not to toot my own horn, but considering this was my first time playing organized ball in 6 years, I think I did pretty well.
I went 16 for 49 for a .327 batting average and 13 RBIs..................not too shabby!!

So that was the first Spring of playing ball again and it went pretty well.
I then played Fall ball and the following Spring, and then the following Fall and Spring after that.

However, although I was doing alright at the plate, for some reason I had lost a significant amount of my throwing accuracy. Mind you, I had been a pitcher in high school and used to be able to throw strikes at will, but now, I was overthrowing and underthrowing left and right and couldn't figure out why. But I still had my velocity, which is good.

Anyway, I think I tried to compensate for my inaccuracy by throwing harder.

Overtime, my shoulder started to really bother me.
I started icing on a regular basis and stretching and continuing to work out, but it got worse.

It got to the point where I would awake in the middle of the night with my shoulder throbbing in pain. I took it upon myself to do my own rehab and started a strict regimen of icing, stretching, and laying off the heavy weights.

Most of the pain subsided over time (or I just got used to it) , but it never really totally went away.
At random times, I'd hear a snap or pop, which was usually followed by pain.
I also couldn't do a regular flat bench press without my shoulder feeling like it was about to fall apart at any moment. I tried to overcome this by doing other chest exercises like flies and incline/decline presses which were fine for some reason.

Fast forward 2 years to the present and - out of curiosity more than anything - I decided to
FINALLY go to the doctor to get it checked out...........................(right now everyone reading this is like "WTF is wrong with you for waiting so long??!!")

So the other day I went to the Orthopedic Specialist and got the standard run-through of moving my arm around in different ways and being asked "Does this hurt?" "How about this?" "This?" "How about now?" "Any pain?" "..and now?"

After a few minutes of that, I got some Xrays which the Doc checked out and didn't see anything unusual on. Thats good news.

The preliminary diagnosis: a SLAP tear

So the next step?

An arthrogram.

Its basically an MRI along with dye thats injected directly into my shoulder.
The dye seeps into any gaps or spaces in the joint, making it easier to see where there perhaps should be a tendon or muscle that has torn away.

So I'm waiting to hear back about my insurance to schedule the appointment.

And then, the story shall continue....................

Get in my Belly, Trout!

2008-04-09T20:27:00.008-04:00

For anyone that actually followed my little countdown, trout season officially opened this past Saturday and of course, I was out there for the first cast of the season at 8am sharp.

I should've been a little more prepared as a somewhat-experienced fisherman.
I had, of course, respooled all my reels with fresh, new line, but I didn't check the drag.
That came back to bite me in the ass when an hour into my fishing I hooked a large trout and started reeling that sucker in.
The drag was too loose and he kept pulling line out, so I paused for a second to tighten the drag and that sucker got off the hook.

DAMMIT!!! Not another year in a row!!!

(For those who read my Myspace blog, you'll see I made a similar yet even dumber mistake last year that cost me a big trout also)

But of course, I let out a few foul words and fumed for a few minutes, but kept right on fishing, and soon enough, my first trout of 2008 took the lure and success was mine!!
MWUAHAHAHAHA!!

There he is.........in all his glory............on my cutting board before I deliciously prepared and devoured him. Hmmmmmm.........
For those not privy to the different species of trout, this is a Lake Trout.

Anyway, I'm excited that the weather is FINALLY getting nicer and I can get out and fish more.

This may be incredibly dorky, but I made a list of all the different types of fish I want to catch this year.

Lake Trout?
CHECK!

But theres about 10 more, so I'm just getting started.....

So anyone want to come fishing with me????
Its an open invitation!!

In the meantime, enjoy this awesome still shot of me doing Stevie Wonder's "Overjoyed" at this rockin karaoke joint:

I do Bar/Bat Mitzvahs, people.
Email me.

New Mexico

2008-03-28T20:07:00.005-04:00

I can only imagine how all 3 of my readers are already mad at me for not posting something in a long while. Don't leave!!!!

The truth is, I went on a vacation to beautifully scenic New Mexico.

Why New Mexico????

Why not!!?

I know the story of a vacation doesn't do the trip much justice if it doesn't include any pictures, but unfortunately, I haven't uploaded them yet..............but I will, so pull that bunch of panties out your butt there, honcho.

But to give a quick rundown - on Saturday we flew from Newark to Dallas/Ft Worth where we connected to our flight right into Albuquerque.

After taking the shuttle to pick up our snazzy electric blue Pontiac G6 rental car (which I hated), we drove up to the incredibly quaint city of Santa Fe.

To our dismay, everything in town closes down at like 9pm for some reason.
Our choices? Hit up the only open bar in town which was a real dive, OR, hit up the rooftop pool and jacuzzi.

Jacuzzi it is!!

We met a few nice southern folk in there who gave us great tips on where to go and what to see while we were in the area. The sky was also unbelievably clear and I've never seen the stars so bright! We also were told that because of the high altitude (Santa Fe is about 7000 ft above sea level) we should drink a lot of water to avoid altitude sickness. Interesting, huh?

So after a while of boiling our buns, we hit the hay.
After a pretty good workout the next morning in the hotel fitness center, we hit up the town plaza where were ran into a hunger strike protest to free Tibet. Not surprisingly, there were a lot of white people there protesting, HOWEVER, all the people actually participating in the no-food part of the hunger strike were of Asian decent.
Oh these white people and how they love to protest..................kinda..............

Anyway, since it was Easter Sunday, again, most of the plaza was closed.

So we started our trek to Chimayo.
Now, this a very very sacred place that THOUSANDS of people make pilgrimages to every year at Easter. Literally, people from all over WALK - some with giant crosses, or on their hands and knees - to Chimayo every year for Good Friday.
Many years ago, as the story goes, there was a remarkable miracle that occurred there and ever since, there has been stories of how the healing power of the dirt has cured people of many diseases and ailments. So needless to say, it was nice to catch the last half of the Easter mass there and then get to walk through the original church and scoop up some of the holy dirt and bring some back.

So after Chimayo, we decided to take the "high road" to Taos - which was where we were staying the next two nights. This route is a lot longer, but much more scenic, and definitely worth it.
Not only that, but its literally a very HIGH road. We were driving over some of the highest mountains I've ever seen and winding down and around and over some more mountains, while the whole time passing cute little rustic villages and old towns along the way.

Once in Taos, we went "downtown" to catch a bite to eat and then checked in to our Bed & Breakfast - one that is unlike any B&B you've ever seen.

We actually had a separate 2-story adobe pueblo house to ourselves!
A huge THANKS to Richard, who runs Casa Gallina and made our stay so wonderful.
Not only did we find intricately prepared hors d’oeuvres, but he also left us a bottle of red wine and fresh eggs that his own hens out back had laid that morning. He also left us freshly baked oatmeal chocolate cookies the next night while we were out. Scrumptious!

Our stay there was perfect, thanks to Richard's keen eye for interior design and warm hospitality. Speaking of warm, there was also an adobe fireplace (called a kiva) that we lit up.
Its such a scenic place.........in doors AND out.

So in addition to enjoying the trip for the weather and scenery, there's some more good news.
We hit up the Taos Mountain Casino that Sunday night.
Its pretty small - only 3 blackjack tables - but if you know me, you know I love blackjack!!

To make a long story short, 3 hours later I walked away with $775 in winnings.
Basically - enough to pay for my entire trip AND then some.

SWEET!!!!

Anyway, the next day we hit up Santa Fe again to buy authentic jewelry from the Native Americans in the plaza. This jewelry is 100% handmade by Native Americans from different tribes around the area. We wanted to buy from them instead of the other obviously-not-Native American vendors who try to profit off of setting up stands near the real Native Americans. Its some very beautiful jewelry and crafts, consisting mostly of sterling silver and turquoise mined in and around New Mexico and Texas.

So after some shopping, it was time to drive to Ojo Caliente for our massages!
The cool part?
Aside from getting a relaxing deep tissue massage, this spa is located on a mountain that has several natural hot springs that you can bathe in.
Soooooooooooooooooooooooooo relaxing its ridiculous.

I was a little hesitant about the arsenic pool.......................... but I'm still alive, right?

So, that was the bulk of our trip before we came back home.

Oh, did I mention the part about driving almost 30 miles with the gas warning light on, in the dark on a pitch-black road in the middle of nowhere?????
How about the part where we were headed over the 3rd highest bridge in the US??
Oh....I must've forgotten that part...............

:-P

Old School Poetry

2008-03-19T18:41:00.002-04:00

When I was younger.................beginning in high school and then a lot in college....................I used to write poetry.

I suppose it was born out of some form of typical teenage angst, and then fueled throughout the years by my naturally overactive imagination (and further college angst). I used to look forward to my boring classes because thats when I would daydream and scribble my random thoughts and wanderings down in my journal, or in my notebook where I was supposed to be taking actual notes.

Unfortunately, I haven't really written much since graduating and going to work full-time.

Thanks a lot, real world!!!

I admit that I do miss it.
Its like an old friend that you found comfort with whenever you needed it, and was always there when you wanted to find him...............

Anyway...................................Rutgers, for whatever reason, has forgotten to delete my website that I had back in the day. I tried to make it a poetry page and also a quote page because I love quotes and collect them madly. I didn't post ALL my stuff, but just some I felt were complete at that point in time.

So without further ado, I'll forgo my pride and introduce to you my old super-cheesy college website.

**Free crappy java animation included AT NO EXTRA CHARGE!!!!***

Trout Fishing

2008-03-13T20:25:00.002-04:00

A lot of you (........there I go again assuming people actually read this) probably don't even have any clue as to what a trout actually looks like.

Well.................................TOO BAD FOR YOU!

I'm not here to school you, so go edumacate yourself!

BUT............ I AM a helpful guy by nature, so I'll direct you to a starting point: NJ Dep of Fish & Wildlife

The big date is Saturday, April 5th. (hence the snazzy li'l countdown up there on the right)

Anyway, the official state stocking info was released today.
That means you can see when, where and how many trout will be stocked in bodies of water throughout the state.

More exciting -- they stock a limited number of broodstock trout at a handful of places state-wide.

Now, whats a broodstock trout you ask yourself, non-existent reader??
Well, its an older, bigger trout that the hatchery had used as a breeder.

In other words -- the suckers that you really want to catch!

Conveniently, 1 of the only 9 places selected for broodstock stocking this year just happens to be only about 4 miles away from me. If you can figure out where that is and feel like meeting up, come on down.

So essentially, yes, I'm throwing out the invitation to stalk me.

Get it while its good!!

Stuff White People Like

2008-03-07T18:50:00.002-05:00

My blog sucks.
There --- readily admitted.

I try to add humor and I think it works...........sometimes.............

But today I'm totally promoting one of the funniest blogs out there:
Stuff White People Like

Its truly hilarious..............and hilariously true!

If you're white..................like seriously white.......or even one of those really white-acting people (usually Asian or Indian) , you will undoubtedly find yourself fitting at least a handful of those things.

Otherwise, you're a liar, and trying too hard to deny your whiteness........which ironically fits into the list!!
HAH!!

Enjoy.

Quote of the Year

2008-03-06T16:12:00.006-05:00

Not much to say today, really.

I'm incredibly impressed by this 101-yr old guy from Great Britain who will attempt to be the oldest marathon runner ever.

But moreso, I hereby bestow upon him the honor of Quote of the Year.

Just read the last sentence.

Priceless.................................

There's a Sucker Airborne Every Minute

2008-03-05T19:00:00.002-05:00

I consider myself to be pretty healthy.
I try to get to the gym as often as I can with my schedule, I always watch what I eat, I RARELY eat candy or a lot of dessert, I make sure to get adequate protein and fiber, I take a quality multi-vitamin in addition to other supplements, I make myself drink a lot..............of water............

In fact, for those not privy to it, about 2 years ago I was seriously considering a career change.
I began studying up on exercise science and was close to going for my NSCA certification to become a personal trainer.

Enough history.........

Anyway, I've gotten into several disagreements with people about the "supplement" Airborne that a lot of people swear by.

"It prevents and lessens colds! Its awesome!!"

So naturally, the first time I heard that, I read the ingredients and was like WTF!?!?

This ripoff of a product is nothing more than a potent dose of vitamin C along with some other vitamins and minerals that, although synergistically might provide a slight antioxident effect, will not cure or lessen anything. In fact, any smart person knows that you can't fight a cold, you just have to let it run its course. Sure, you can help bolster your immune system to help it fight the cold off sooner, and yeah maybe this crap might help it a little, but overall its one hell of a hoax.

To the credit of the company--- I admit that its a brilliant marketing ploy that feeds off the ignorance of society, but nonetheless, its such a waste of money.

So, of course I smirked out loud once I read this article about how they are now forced to pay $23.3 million back to their customers for false advertising.

YESSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

OK......... now the funny

Its B Day!

2008-03-03T20:16:00.003-05:00

Well Saturday was anyway.

Another year older..........
Another year wiser..........
and..
oh yes, another year SEXIER!!!!

But seriously, I think once you pass 25, you just feel like you want to stop counting already. You can already buy cigarettes, watch an R-rated movie, go to a strip club and drink, so what else is there to look forward to?

I don't want to be called "Sir" or asked when I'm planning on getting married, etc. because I'm getting closer to the dreaded 3-0.

I'm in the middle range right now.

Its kind of like when you were younger and went on a trip or vacation and you got to the middle day. Its not the first day there where everything is new and exciting. Instead, its like the 2nd or 3rd day where you're still having fun but you already know you're way around.
I mean its still exciting and fun, but you've already been there for a while and its not NEW.
Don't get me wrong, its not as bad as the last day when you're sad that you're leaving, but its more like a realization that the future is in the back of your mind nagging at you juuuuuuust a li'l bit.

BUT..........................I say screw it and have fun while you can!!

Its just a number, after all.
Your spirit and health are what matter more, and because of that, I'm as young as I've ever been.

I should still make an appointment with a doctor to get a checkup, though.............

A Round of F- You's

2008-02-28T15:11:00.010-05:00

So yesterday, for whatever reason, both parking decks at my train station were totally full.
In this case, there's an overflow lot that they direct people to.
That was full.

When that happens, they start valet-parking people at the top of the deck.
Apparently that was full too.

So, like I've had to do only 1 other time, I parked about a half-mile away in an old, closed-down TJ Maxx parking lot that was totally empty. Did I say totally? I mean totally. This is a pretty big parking lot and it was just my single, lonely little car all by itself over in the corner, not hurting anyone.

Later that night, I got off the train and had to walk in the bitter cold back to the parking lot where I found an empty spot where my car was.

After another few cold minutes of walking to the Burger King to wait for a ride, I called the Police who confirmed it had been towed. Even more convenient - the towing company was closed.

Just awesome.

So this morning I had to take a damn taxi over to Perth Amboy where I paid these bastards $226 to get my car back. What a ripoff!!!
Apparently it was because it had been there for 2 days AND because they had to use the flatbed to tow it.

Hence, my first F-YOU of the day goes to that scum of a towing company for charging so damn much for no good reason. They also don't take credit/debit or checks, which shows you what a reputable company they are. Anyone who only takes cash is usually doing something shady.
Anyone else agree??

The 2nd F-YOU of the day goes to the punkass douchebag who actually called to have me towed. Assuming it was the actual owner of the property, here's what I have to say to them:

GET A LIFE!!

"That stupid store closed years ago and the buildings have been abandoned ever since! Do you seriously drive by all the time looking for people's cars to fuck with? My car wasn't there for days - only a few hours. It wasn't blocking anything or anyone, wasn't an eyesore or impeding on any construction or anything."

My guess???
The owner has some shady deal going with the towing company and gets a cut of the towing cost.
Why else would 1 lonely car get towed off of a huge abandoned parking lot that is never used?

Anyway.........
The 3rd and final F-YOU of the day goes to Comcast. I like to call them Comcrap.
My opinion of them had improved since I originally got their HD service with OnDemand, but their stock with me took a nosedive yesterday when I got a notice in the mail letting me know that for some reason, I was supposed to be getting charged for the DVR in my HD converter for the past several months but was for some reason not, and that they would start charging me the extra $13/month. Nice.

Thanks, Shmucks!!

So as not to end on a negative note (I am a very positive person, you know)
Check out this story about the Florida Marlins' new fat-man cheerleading squad called The Manatees.

Priceless..........................

Screw Humanity - Save the Corn!!!

2008-02-26T20:00:00.002-05:00

If someone told you they built a Doomsday Vault, whats the first thing that would come to mind??

My mind conjures up some post-apocalyptic bunker deep underground where the President and all the top government people are hiding until the fall-out clears and the sun is visible again.

ppshh...... stupid me!

Its not for PEOPLE...............its for SEEDS.

DUH!!

Ok I know I'm exaggerating and the seeds are important, but where's the Doomsday Vault to store the history of the world? Where's the Doomsday Vault to store the samples of all the vaccines and cures for disease that man has discovered? How about a Doomsday Vault with human embryos and sperm? I mean we're talking about protecting our survival if the worst should occur, right? After the bombs fall and I have 3rd degree burns and radiation poisoning along with Tetanus and a cold, how much will I be trying to worry about planting seeds to grow crops??

I know someone out there is saying "but you're missing the point"........
OH but I'm NOT!

A quick Googlfication of "doomsday vault vaccine" returns nothing of the vault I speak of.
Therefore, using the power of logic which holds Google as all-knowing ---- it doesn't exist!!!!

This world has some messed up priorities.
To bad I don't rule it...................
...............................................................yet

Anywayz, special thanks to Spanky for sharing Jimmy Kimmel's hilarious payback video.
This is some FUNNY shit......mostly due to the random cameos of celebrities.

Fashion, Fruitcakes and Fishing

2008-02-21T19:20:00.002-05:00

If you're reading this and are one of those people who reads........or worse - actually BUYS - The Star or Sun any of those tacky tabloid magazines, then I hate you.

You're dumb.

OK ok ok.................. you're not dumb if you read it while waiting in line or on the toilet, etc, but if you buy that shit, if you actually spend money you own on those magazines, then
YOU
ARE
AN
IDIOT.

They always have petty, dumb tabloidal (just made that word up) CRAP about stupid people.
By stupid people I mean Paris, Brittany, Lindsey, etc....

BUT............... although those 3 may be stupid and addicted to something or other, Lindsey did just do a pretty damn sexy photo shoot for New York Magazine ala Marilyn Monroe in "The Last Sitting." Lindsey looks good here. Still probably dazed and on 23451 medications, but good.

Anywayz- to the gayz.

I'm always baffled by how righteous some people think themselves to be sometimes.
Does anyone really KNOW God enough to say that he's responsible for certain things?
Or worse yet, to know that God would do something spiteful to a group of people or a country?
Some guy in Israel thinks God is causing earthquakes there because he's mad that they're being so nice to Gays. !!!

I'm so jealous of this guy. He obviously has a very intimate knowledge of The Almighty and all his plans and intentions for this world - one that peons like myself could never have.
Dang.......he's pretty damn pious.

What an idiot.......

"Hey B, whats that trout countdown thingy over on the right side of your blog?"

Well, ficticiously interested blog-reader, I'm glad you asked....

That, my friend, is my countdown to opening day for the trout fishing season in New Jersey.
Probably uninteresting fact about me ----> I love to fish!!

I'm a nature-lover and outdoorsy type and love to go fishing all the time.
Trout are all over the place in NJ and the state stocks dozens of bodies of water annually.
Trout fishing is not only a lot of fun, but those are some really tasty fish, at least how I cook 'em.

I'll go into detail at some later time about all the fish I go for and how to catch them, etc., but if anyone is interested in some trout fishing on April 5, give a brotha a holla!

Angels & Airwaves & Shameless Promotions.......

2008-02-19T19:29:00.004-05:00

So I don't go to many concerts......................... at least not ones for popular bands.
But on Saturday I went to go see Angels & Airwaves in concert and it was pretty damn cool.

If you don't know who they are, its the lead singer from Blink 182 along with the drummer from The Offspring and another guy from 30 Seconds to Mars. Its not Punk like you'd assume, but rather a unique, melodic, motivating type of rock. Tom Delonge's (the lead singer) and the bands' goal is to basically write and perform positive music that would inspire people to go out and make a difference in the world.
(yeah, sounds like Christian rock minus the Christian part, right??? I'll give you that.)

The result is music with chords perfectly tuned to the human psyche that tap into a person's emotions and passions. It'll make you want to go fly up into the clouds or take on the world.................. or, maybe thats just me.........

Anyway, if you've never heard their music, here's a view YouTube vids:
The Adventure
Everything's Magic

Anyway, now onto the shameless promotion part.........

UNDER ARMOUR

I LOVE the stuff!!!
I already have several pieces of UA gear but this weekend I bought 2 pairs of Under Armour boxerbriefs. (modeling photo available upon request) ;-)
Mmmmmmm.................... my crotch feels so cool and comfortable as the "specially-designed fabric propels moisture to the surface and maximizes ventilation" where I need it most.

I also bought UA stock a while back. Hence, another reason for the shameless promotion.....

SHAMELESS PROMOTION #2....

THUMBPLAY!!

For those of you not "in the know"............ I work at Thumbplay.
I'm not going to spew boring crap about the place, but instead, direct you to the delightfully humorous Intro to Thumbplay Share..................
(its free media content space for people to use)

AND....
We also have a big commercial running during WWE Smackdown this Friday night.
If you want to see our commercials, check them out here.

Ok, thats it for the shameless promotions....

Now back to the regularly-scheduled funny shit:

Happy Vagentine's Day

2008-02-14T17:06:00.006-05:00

Yes, I just came up with that............... thank you, thank you.

I should copyright it. Fo realz.

Anyway, its that time of year again when all the sappy, hormone-driven pussymen of the world unite to donate billions of dollars to the biggest Hallmark-and-Florist-driven hoax of a holiday ever created.

Well............ok.......... I'll admit I slightly contribute to the madness, but not too much.

Regardless, its hilarious to see the hoards of guys snatching up anything red or resembling a rose or chocolate in a desperate, last-minute attempt to show some female they're a capable provider.

Notice I said "capable provider"............and not "in love with them."
No no no........I'm not going there in this post............. that will be sometime later in the future, my dear friends.....

Anyway, I'd like to give a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY shoutout to my friend Val.

...and for all of you, a very Happy Vagentine's Day!!!!

Snow-ho in SoHo

2008-02-13T16:28:00.000-05:00

YES......... its a stupid title...........
But its pretty freakin creative and you know it.........so shutup!!!

Anywayz....

Yesterday was fun.
It was the first true snowstorm of the season in this area and my boss told me to go home early.
SHWEEET!

But the BIGGER news is that today, I FINALLY saw my first celebrity!
ok ok ok.............its nothing exciting, really.........
ok actually its somewhat lame......but nonetheless I saw
Holly Marie Combs outside today.

The fact that most of you probably have no clue who she is tells you how lame I am for calling her a celebrity. ..............
Even more lame? The fact that I'm acting like there's an actual audience reading my blog or something..................... ohhh the lameness.......

In other blog-worthy news, this guy is someone I'd assume is a virgin because of all the time he wasted on this stupid match car. Of all the things one can accomplish in 6 years, why a lifesize car made of matches???

So lastly but not leastly, if there's one thing I like to do its share humor.

On the bed, on the floor, on the towel by the the door, here's a clip to enjoy................nevermore:

Emotional Extremes

2008-02-11T20:10:00.000-05:00

Sometimes you just can't help but believe in the saying that "truth is stranger than fiction."

Imagine for a second if you will............
Your wedding day.

Supposedly one of the happiest days of your life.

Now, imagine if it turned out to be one of the saddest days of your life?
I couldn't even imagine..............

Perhaps somehow there's some poetic beauty in that story.............. but nonetheless, its horribly sad.

"Damn, B.............why the depressing blog today?"
I keep it real, people...............
Life and the world aren't sugar-coated, so neither will my posts be.

Additionally, RIP Roy Scheider..............."You're gonna need a bigger boat"

OK OK OK!!!
I won't end on a sad note.................so enjoy this:

So hows abouts we break this shit in????

2008-02-08T19:05:00.000-05:00

What up my peoples...

So lets be honest................ if you're actually reading this, you're one of the few people that I'm acquainted with that give slightly more than a rat's ass about the crap that goes on in my life or mind.
For that - I'm grateful; and I thank you.

"Why the blog, B??"
Well, in case it wasn't already obvious, Myspace is now officially dead.
I've blogged on there several times, but I'm tired of that stupid site.
Facebook?? Now that shit is just a pain in the ass. I can't believe people actually like that pathetically-designed clusterfuck of a social site. I think it was created by a bunch of people with ADHD. Not only that, but plenty of decent, non attention-hungry people never even signed up for either of those sites ( for that, I admire you), so blogspot is viewable to everyone, without a registration or requirement to make Tom your buddy or have to POKE someone with a stupid random object.........(if you don't get the jokes, again, I admire you).

"So what're you going to write about, B??"
Anything and everything I feel like sharing.
This isn't a diary. I know this crap is public, so obviously I'm not going to pour my heart out and share ALL the details of my private life.
(For those that are now disappointed and ready to change the channel, notice my bold and italicized "all".................if you're smart, you know that means there's some exceptions) ;-)

OK well I didn't want to make the first post ridiculously long, so I'll just finish it with an awesome short movie that I just came across. Its only 8 minutes long but has won several awards.
Short and sweet..........